Published April 30, 2007
My ideas stopped.
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141,698 Literary Works • 675,577 Reviews
I agree with the other critics--considering your age, this is exemplary writing.
I think, however, that the story is moving along too quickly. We have JUST been introduced to Quinn, and we only know a minimal amount about her. Her family background should probably be more focused on as well--ie: how her parents died, when, who her guardians are, etc. How does Quinn know about the house in North Dakota? Does she have any friends she is leaving? Is she escaping other problems? You need to establish an exposition before jumping right into the story--you need something to clench the reader and drag them in.
=]
Wow, that was really good!
I have a nine-year-old sister, and I don't think she could write anything like that.
I'll definitely look forward to reading more about Quinn.
-Em to the Ily
This is good considering your age.
It could be much longer, though. If you want to capture a reader's interest, maybe you could start out with a scene where you can set the story in showing rather than telling. Maybe you could write about Quinn's guardians when she was still with them and then skip ahead to this scene.
But if there is a lot more, I may be completely wrong with these suggestions.
Keep writing!
~Pyx
This is the first time I've written something like this and I don't know if I'm that good. There is more coming! Alot more!