PenguinAttack

This was okay. I would suggest looking at capitalisation. I liked it though. It had good flow, and some nice imagery. The allusion was good too. All in all, I ...

Love these two lines more than chocolate: my mind is worth so much more than the price I'm selling my body at. Your first stanza is wonderful for drawing the ...

Takes a deep breath. I hope you do well in the contest bbb. Hey! This is just a little thing that I wrote. I mainly focused on Eliza's look because ...

I like the flow of this. The imagery is also very nice. Some qualms though: "And we'll show you ares too" Do you mean ours? or Ares? though Ares would ...

I enjoyed this quite a bit. Though it took me two reads to really get the flow of the poem. I like the words you use and the style you ...

I have to say LizzyG covered almost all I could have said. What jarred most for me were the spelling errors (I know I have my own -it's why I ...

Heys LizzyG. It took me a few reads but I think I like this. ^.^ Actually, I know I do. It's a little quirky and you have a level of ...

Her shoes are expensive, And match a belt wrapped around her waist. This line is confusing. "the" instead of "a" would help this make heaps more sense. Giving the illusion ...

Hehe, this was rather funny. ^.^ Though I wonder; . Well, I guess my weight. Another comma after "guess"? That is quite possibly just how I read it. Hehe *is ...

I happen to completely agree with Amelia on this one. Even her choices on the paragraphs (nice work ^.^). I also agree with Gladi on the treatment of Amelia. This ...

Staring into the cold, dark night, I see something coming. Something coming. I squint harder, into the fog, I rub my arms, hairs standing on end. Hairs standing on end. ...

She lay motionless in the red, pink and orange. Watching the colours float past her aching head. The "red, pink and orange" are vague, are they swirls? scents? one word ...

I think that this may work better with some more description. Just small things, like that she's in the bathroom painting her nails or something, and that he is pacing ...

Well, Hony, that may be the case, your beliefs not being anything to ignore, but it still doesn't stop this poem from not being terribly good. You can go on ...

This is a selected crit of this chapter. I pointed out the main things, I think. “Three days flew by like a jet. Christian anticipated his soon-to-be girlfriend. He stared ...