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Re: Peace has two definitions.
Hey there, Cosmo. Welcome to YWS. This is more of a descriptive piece than it is a short story. I feel like there isn't really a plot to it. If ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Working Title: Withering
Hey there. Whoa. I got the shivers. I love the imagery. You keep it consistent throughout, but it still manages to have movement. You stay focused on the woman, which ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Gain to Give, Give to Gain
Hey there. The ending just blew me out of the water. Awesome, dude. Honestly, I don't really see what the first two stanzas are bringing to the poem. The end ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Loosing It
Hello, and welcome to YWS. The first suggestion I have is to reformat it. Put it in lines so it's easier to read. The second thing I have to say ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Removed
Hey there. I like it. It's nice. It moves forward, and I like your imagery. And your rhyme scheme isn't bad, either. The one thing I noticed when I was ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Not for the world
Hello there. Wow. That's... I've been in situations like this before. Very relatable. Quite dark. I was surprised that I liked your rhyme scheme, but I did. It's not too ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Wishbones
Ahoy there. I really like the snippets of description you put here. You have discovered a way to describe a lot in very few words. I wonder what you could ...
Jan 14, 2013 -
Re: Origami
Hey there. Wow. Beautiful. And a wonderful idea to rearrange the words and make them completely different stanzas. I also appreciate how you keep the capitalization of Boy consistent throughout ...
Jan 13, 2013 -
Re: Searching for Security 2.1
Hello, there. Note: I'm really rubbish at reviewing things other than poetry. I'll do my best, though. And I can't review this whole chapter if I'm going to be thourough ...
Jan 13, 2013 -
Re: Cinderella
Hello there. This was cute and funny. I enjoyed reading it. As you said, though, it could use some tidying up. I don't know if undernourished is the right word ...
Jan 13, 2013 -
Re: Chelsea
Hello! An interesting concept. However, it was very short, and I think it could be made longer and redone. I had to force myself to keep reading through the first ...
Jan 13, 2013 -
Re: Misery
Hi there! There are some fascinating images in this piece. I like how there are two images that tie together in the last stanza: an anchor and drowning both have ...
Jan 13, 2013 -
Re: To the one I write too much about
Hello there! Wow. Nice. I really like it. Especially the first and last stanzas. I totally understand the feeling. I like the concept of the other person acting for you. ...
Jan 12, 2013 -
Re: Insensitivity
Hello there! First of all, you've chosen to write about a very relatable topic. Nice. I know how you feel. I also like the use of repetition with the lines ...
Jan 12, 2013 -
Re: The English People v The Crown (1)
Hello there, friend. First of all, I really like your meter. It's not sing-songy, like many poems with this kind of rhyme scheme tend to be. Well done. Also, your ...
Jan 12, 2013
