Loosing It

This is very good. I like the way it sounds though I would love to hear it in a rap or song. Maybe take some of the rhyme out? I'm not a song writer so I wouldnt really know about it but it kinda read a little boring to me, still like this piece. I know how it feels though, I just posted my work two weeks or the calm(changing the title maybe) and I'd like you to read and review or comment on it.

Hello, and welcome to YWS.

The first suggestion I have is to reformat it. Put it in lines so it's easier to read.

The second thing I have to say is that it's "losing," not "loosing." "losing" is misplacing something. "loosing" something is letting it go.

There's an extra "the" in the first part.

If I was a child, my heart would not be "mild" when I lost my favorite toy. In fact, I would kick and scream and rage. "mild" is not really the correct adjective for this. I know it rhymes, and I appreciate that you tried for a rhyme scheme here, but you should never let rhyme scheme control your vocabulary.

I like that "life is like a bad stain." Perhaps you could elaborate on that? What kind of stain is it? It would tell us more about the life you are describing. For instance, a grass stain might not be such a bad thing. It tells us you're outside, and you may have fallen, but it was on grass, and it's cushiony. If it's an oil stain, it could represent that you feel like you work too hard and get too dirty with little reward.

"stuck on my shirt until I regain." This is a sentence fragment and needs reworking.

"take me to Maine" where did Maine come in? I think you put this in here for the sake of the rhyme. Don't put things in for the sake of the rhyme. Every word needs to be deliberate and forward the overall development of the poem.

I appreciate the sentiments in this poem. They're relatable. Happy writing.

I loved it!! just not the format. you should separate your lines instead of keeping them all together.