MUCHO

Your main problem is pronoun usage: "The father helped the girl down from their cart. The wind caught loose strands of the girl’s light brown hair as she turned to ...

eh, "you don't take a breath" seems like you're babying the audience a bit, don't you think? It isn't really necessary, you know? We could very easily infer from Below ...

moving between here and then is interesting, and there are alot of tantalizing little teases here and there throughout the story, like, why can't thren use her power? So there's ...

There are problems with the description of the cell being too small and cold, if it was so small and he was so tight in there, it would be warm. ...

Interesting in both form and function, but there is some repetiviness and things that just don't need to be said, such as "we have lost all morality", that line is ...

This is very interesting with a choice of subject matter that can make for an emotionally packed piece. The main problem I have with it is the 2nd person though. ...

I would suggest experimenting with other sentence forms, as the repetition of simple sentence after simple sentence is a stumbling block when trying to read this. The idea is great, ...

I usually don't like to get mixed up in things like this, and I feel the poem was pretty good (I actually wrote one quite like it on a similar ...

It's hard living like a true Christian in today's world, hypocrisy even comes from many people who claim to be Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish, but then act in confliction ...

I like the anonymity of the characters, slightly universal, the one mistake here would be mentioning Dublin at the end, I think with the people, and the place being unspecified, ...

Okay, first things first, the title is great, definitely good for getting attention to your poem, I like the address style, I will do my best (takes a deep breath) ...

Excellent, yes, this is probably on its way to being a masterpiece, but not quite yet, a couple years of refining and yah, we'll see this in the New Yorker, ...

Awwwwwwwww....tears much... Anyway, I really liked this, it was very lyrical, and very personal, though a bit cluttered, that is why i am here! First of all i like the ...

This was great, I can truly say that I have never read anything like this, so inventive. Though I don't know about the stanzas that get away from the quick ...

Welcome. I liked this, it was very solid. I won't go into details, cause man it is so damn late right now. But anyway, this was very consistent, and it ...