Leja

I love the way you space the first stanza! It highlights the distaste perfectly! After that, however, I wish there had been more aspects of wordplay or imagery. I very ...

I liked the rhythm in the first stanza, but I was disappointed when it didn't continue. See how in the first stanza, the syllables of each line are 3, 5, ...

There didn't seem to be many layers to this. One of the greatest things about poetry is that you can read it many times and there might be something different ...

Are you standing beside me? Or A million miles away? So here is your body But where Is your soul? In general, I thought the ideas of this first bit ...

There are some parts at which I think it could be a little less prosaic and a little more poetic. For example: While the families in rich Florida villas cross ...

There is alot that's happen ing but I feel like it's all in the background of something that's greater? Like the -ing words are an overlay to something else that's ...

Folded page of a dream in my pocket Mingling in idiot fascinations Useless knowledge— Songs of distress and a plastic love Faceless bands, a neverending game Shallow characters in a ...

I didn't like the rhyme scheme, though despite that, I did like the rhythm. I thought the rhymes seemed like rhyming for the sake of rhyming: Your eyes are bland. ...

streets roiling with a zombie crowds reflection There's something about "roiling". I love the word, but the "roi" in it seems to be a funny shape to make with your ...

I think because of the rhyme scheme, it sounds rather line-line-line to me rather than *poem* I already feel like my head should be bouncing to the rhythm, but you ...

This is rather sweet! It is sparse, but I think it works. A few places I was a little confused about tense; "she whispers in my ear" and "I wish ...

I'm sorry but I must say goodbye, and please don't ask why, for it is too painful for me to see the ones I love hurt So please just please ...

CATHARINE: Of course she did, but Momma was crazy. I think the "but Momma was crazy" is unnecessary. Later in that bit of dialogue, the part "So the lawyer thinks ...

While each of these have the possibility of being interesting ideas if developed further, they are connected little in the context of the poem, and as such, don't create the ...

this is me rambling over to the Other Fiction forum... It seems very [event][event][event], so a tad choppy. If that's what you're going for, cool; if not, consider where you ...