Published September 23, 2007
Your eyes are bland.
Like glass from sand.
An overindulging temperance,
a wicked thought of prudence.
A virtue all the same.
Patience as time drags on,
my greatest quality is most boring.
I wonder if...
This farce is worth the thought.
A saint am I?
A wolf howling at a moonless sky?
Possibly...
Possibly...
Sum it up from time and space?
I am a nobleman's fall from grace.
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Canary word: Present
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I didn't like the rhyme scheme, though despite that, I did like the rhythm. I thought the rhymes seemed like rhyming for the sake of rhyming:
I don't think that glass is bland; I think it's the sand before the glass that is bland, so I don't know how well the metaphor holds up.
These lines are confusing, both in and out of context. It sounds like the first line of a riddle, but there aren't enough clues to answer it.
Even if I didn't like the overall rhyming thing, I did like the last two lines especially. The just sounded nice and conclusive, and seemed like a nice tie-back to the beginning.
Good.
I really liked your use of structure and rhyme. It really entertained me into reading it. So good job on that.
My favorite stanza was the first one I have to say, because the glass/sand similie took a while to understand, but then I had a "aha"! moment and it all came together.
However, this poem is REALLY confusing. The second stanza doesn't really connect to your first in any way, and it might just start a completely other poem for all we know.
"I wonder if... "
The three dots (how are they called again?) threw me off.
Overall, this is pretty sweet. Good job!
PM me if you have any questions!