I didn't like the rhyme scheme, though despite that, I did like the rhythm. I thought the rhymes seemed like rhyming for the sake of rhyming:
Your eyes are bland.
Like glass from sand.
I don't think that glass is bland; I think it's the sand before the glass that is bland, so I don't know how well the metaphor holds up.
Patience as time drags on,
my greatest quality is most boring.
These lines are confusing, both in and out of context. It sounds like the first line of a riddle, but there aren't enough clues to answer it.
Even if I didn't like the overall rhyming thing, I did like the last two lines especially. The just sounded nice and conclusive, and seemed like a nice tie-back to the beginning.
Points: 8413
Reviews: 816
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