There are some parts at which I think it could be a little less prosaic and a little more poetic. For example:
While the families in rich Florida villas cross their pale fingers
over their 60-inch blaring full color TV screen
of azure Mediterranean footage
in the bolded part, I think you could say something like "60 blaring inches of azure Mediterranean footage. Then it's not as much of a straight -these are the facts- statement as a -this is what I see it as- statement. Something else to think about: do the people in Florida have pale fingers because they're too busy sitting inside watching TV to be tan, or was that just an oversight?
I think you could have done more with the color-imagery. It seems that it's just placed haphazardly as to what gets a special color and what doesn't; it might be stronger to make a statement of one side getting things described consistently with images like "puke green huts" and the other side with things described more with brighter colors like "azure Mediterranean footage". This is actually accomplished for a while, until "crimson jetting out in all directions/ a pink stream through buff sands/ screaming in sapphire" where the more military images were previously shades of black/brown.
By the end, I didn't know what you were trying to say. I see the point of people on both sides not knowing what's really going on, but I thought there might be something more? I think in general, things could be tighter.
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