Leja

Prefacing your story with character profiles is a cop out. I can see how it might work if the story revolved heavily around mechanical themes and imagery, but as this ...

This seemed very confused. All the ideas are here, but pay closer attention now to language and word use; it seems a bit raw now. Watch the words ending with ...

This reminded me entirely too much of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. A lot of this story was "x happened, then x happened, then x happened". Specifically, the first paragraph. Try ...

I like how you end your paragraphs. I like the summation of them. so the canned asparagus was off when he got to it.. I don't understand? And is that ...

There are two very conflicting styles of writing in this letter. First, there's the reminiscent feeling of "we shared crayons and blocks" and "young love. That's what it was" etc., ...

I like the feeling of desperation in the first stanza; the sentence breaks for conjunctions and the repetition of "like". There was something about beginning the "but his photographs..." that ...

They'll age and die just as we do, I thought this quote had a funny rhythm? Too many sounds, maybe, in the "just as we do". An apt response to ...

*Everyone move out of the way! My turn to gush!* Cal, this is wonderful. Not only have you compiled an awesome fanmix with beautiful coverart, but you've introduced me to ...

Gadi, this begins wonderfully, with a clear tone that shows you know where you're going. As such, as a reader, I can't help but be swept up for the ride. ...

This almost seems more like a book report than the beginning of a novel. Why? Because it summarizes the character. There's no action. Pure description takes us out of the ...

I wish this were written more seriously. Because then I think it'd be hilarious. Now, it's a series of actions and observations loosely tied together with a setting. I think ...

Beginning with "friend" and ending with "love, I'm sorry" is actually very nice. It shows a nice progression from the beginning to the end. It shows change. However, it is ...

I love how this begins, with the phrase in italics (I'm not sure whether to consider the quote as the start of the actual poem or as the preface to ...

Brutal? I'd love to ^_^ First, let it be said that I abhor rhyming poems. I shall refrain from that statement here, however, because it doesn't overpower the poem too ...

There is no way to see the "mangled insides" if the poem is strewn with generalities like "i'm fed up with what you're feeding me/ i think i'll break inside". ...