For Mathew Brady

Thanks for the comments, guys!

(In case anyone doesn't know who Mathew Brady is...he was a Civil War photographer. Obviously the Civil War was the first conflict in American history where photography had been widely used and it really changed the American cultural perspective on war.)

Gadi - "I had to go. A spirit in my feet said 'Go,' and I went" is a quote attributed to Mathew Brady. I read it and I felt I should include it in the poem somewhere. Do you think I should take it out altogether or perhaps place it elsewhere?

Melja - I definitely see what you're saying about the end. And thanks for pointing out the use of passive voice! I can see it right away in others' work yet I use it all the time in my own and never pick up on it...that is something to work on.

Gahks - Capitalization is really a matter of authors' choice. Here I feel that capitalizing the first letter of each line would be awkward and disruptive, but thanks for the input. Does it really look like a weird piece of prose? I would have assumed that the existence of line breaks would indicate otherwise.

Thanks again, all!
-Colly

Wow Cade this is amazing.
Beautiful - you placed every word perfectly and I love everything about it.
It was short yet very effective.
Great job.

This is powerful stuff.

I love the way you evoke the artistry of Brady's work so beautifully and with such respect for him and those he documented.

The piece could be improved by capitalising the first letter of each line so we know it's a poem, not an oddly-formatted piece of prose. And as Amelia says, you could avoid passivising some of your verbs.

But like I said, I really enjoyed this poem. 9.5/10

I like the feeling of desperation in the first stanza; the sentence breaks for conjunctions and the repetition of "like".

There was something about beginning the "but his photographs..." that seemed too clean cut rather than seamless. Like it needs more transition.

I like the consuming language. That said, do you need the part at the beginning that relates more to leaves than to consumption?

There were a few instances of passive voice, like "they were frozen" instead of "they froze" and "they were consumed" instead of something like "...carefully splayed and consumed, later, ..." Also, you might want to look at the "the"s? Like: "They were consumed, later, by [s]the[/s] people in [s]the[/s] galleries who stood..."

The last three lines seemed a little halting; the thought kept breaking with punctuation and transitions. I don't think you need either the "he had not cooked the meal" or the "but he dished it out as best he could". It seems to over-explain things and takes away from the concise ending of the last line.

Whee, I like this poem. You have taken a topic that is rather difficult to express and formed it into a lovely expression that makes me go "Yeah! That's how you explain it!" ^_^

Mmm... best poem of the day.

You serve this one like blood. I must say, your context was all too complex and hard-hitting and terribly, terribly so like you--yet you've shown mastery in simple words, adding them into delicate phrases.

Okay, let's just say this was awesome, no big words needed.

I loved the kiss and the shutter, that was astoundingly beautiful. Also, comparing the bodies to meals--I think that was the best metaphore you've ever used. No kidding.


I am not sure about “I had to go. A spirit in my feet said 'Go,' and I went.” It's a little...well, unnecessary and really I felt that it blocked your poem instead of balancing it, you know.

Otherwise, great job.

Oh WOW, Colly.

I am rarely able to deliver a decent critique on a poem (really not my thing), but I am still able to appreciate a lovely poem when I come across one. This was simply outstanding. I liked that it was short, because it was so intense that I don't think it could have held up being much longer. Amazing blend of imagery and beautiful choice of words. It's so haunting.

I really like this.