Love, I'm Sorry

this poem was really good... it has alot of good meaning in it and it shows how sincere you really are so good work...

this was amazing and touching.
I think that you should continue to write these kinds of things.
although it was very sad in a way, I think it is pretty good.
I don't see any grammical or spelling errors, not that I wouldn't say in a sentance in real life
keep on writing! this stuff's gold!

8/10

"dealed with"? We are not five, m'dear.

I agree with Brad...I find nothing new or appealing about this poem. Matt had a good point about the letter format, which might've worked in a more original piece. But this sort of thing belongs in the magical land of diaries and Hallmark cards, not in serious poetry discussion. As Amelia said, "There's nothing behind the words." It seems to me a tired repetition of the same poem I've read before.

If you really want to make something original, write about what you know. Use specific examples, true stories, realistic emotions and words.

-Colleen

I think the letter kind of format was a good idea, however aside from that, your poem seems to have no structure at all, and I know poems don't have to rhyme or anything, but this sounded a little too much like speech for me, and so I lost interest halfway through - it just didn't capture me. Having said that, I do like the idea, and I think if you give it a little more structure, it will be a very good piece.

I quite like this poem especially the first verse. The only thing is, the rhythm is a bit odd and to solve this I would make the 'I have's into 'I've's. Also the 'conversation' is too long and kind of breaks the flow of it.

To every heart I've broken,
to every friendship I've ruined,
to every mean thing I've said...

I do like it though

Hey this is a great poem about all the aspects that come with love. Its really heartfelt and protrays a very effective insight into the speaker's thoughts and feelings.
However my only criticism is that I would put in a comma at the end of each line if there isnt a full stop, because it adds to the poetic voice and allows the reader to want to hear more.
But a really poignant poem. Bravo.

Friend,


To every heart I have ever broken,
to every friendship I have ruined,
to every mean thing I ever said,
it all comes down to the last two words
ending a bad converation - Converation? You mean 'conversation' I think?
but said from the heart.


I want you all to know I am sorry
for all of the hurt I have caused you,
it is not intentional and never will be.


Those words filled with anger
were ment for the times I was stressed. - Good word, 'stressed.' Explains much.
Everytime I said I hate you was a lie.
Every I love you was ment from my heart - "meant." Although, not the best word for that line. How about "true to my heart?"
and is regretted everyday because
as soon as you finally love someone
or something they are taken right from you. - You should have had 'something' in the last line
Right in front of your eyes.


So to all my dearest friends,
I want to thank you for
everytime you have dealed with me.
Through the good and the bad.
Bad and the good. - Hah. Interesting use of repetition.
You have all been there for me,
and I love you for it.


Love,
I'm Sorry
- I love these last two lines.

Overall, you could do better with this poem, but it's fabulous the way it is. I hope you keep writing, because you are a really talented poet

i liked it....

jesslieeboo--


The poem posed as letter isn't anything new, and your attempt certainly doesn't breathe life into the dead horse.

What you should aim to do in future attempts consists of the following: rid yourself of all song lyric catastrophes (Avril Lavigne, J-Lo, Jo Jo, etc.) so their influence isn't so pronounced in your poetry, and write about something which requires more effort on your part than realizing you're human.


Best,
Brad


PS: "everytime you dealed with me" -- "everytime" isn't a word, and you intended the word "dealt" unless you and your friends sell illicit substances on the side.

Beginning with "friend" and ending with "love, I'm sorry" is actually very nice. It shows a nice progression from the beginning to the end. It shows change. However, it is rather obvious that this change has occured. It takes little work to see this. What would be cool is if this were done subtlely, disguised in the poem like a child sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar.

With the rest of the poem, however, there seems to be nothing behind the words, nothing to give them any sort of meaning. Yes, the narrator will know what it means, and the subjects she intends to address, but for anyone else, it's like peeking in someone's diary. Interesting for a moment because it's a hidden thing, but ultimately, not something of dire importance to the peeker.

I felt this way about 4 months ago to bad i didnt read it then

The third stanza has two typos in two and four. '"ment" should be "meant"
Also for line 3, "i hated you" might flow better than "i hate you".

i like the last two lines. =)
-jazii

I agree with Lauren Malfoy, and I also noticed that you had two typos in your first stanza. The parts that I fixed are bolded:

To every heart I have ever broken,

it all comes down to the last two words

I like it except I think that you shouldn't have some lines short and other very long.

It would not only sound but look better.

For example:

"To every heart I ever broken,
to every friendship I have ruined,
to every mean thing I ever said,
it allcomes down to the last two words ending a bad converation
but said from the heart. "


Could be


To every heart I ever broken,
to every friendship I have ruined,
to every mean thing I ever said,
it allcomes down to the last two words
ending a bad converation
but said from the heart.

Plus I think it would be better with verses.


~ Loz