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Re: 800 Miles
As I call my lover, the morning of today. This struck me as a forced rhyme, but the rest of the poem doesn't rhyme, so I'm left wondering if the ...
Apr 16, 2010 -
Re: deleted
Hello there. It's me again. XD As with your other poem I reviewed, the punctuation is lacking and makes this poem difficult to understand on first read through. You also ...
Apr 16, 2010 -
Re: Differences
I liked this poem. It was nice and simple, yet you nicely showed how people are different, and the rhyme did not feel forced. The rhythm in the line "I ...
Apr 16, 2010 -
Re: Religious Protection
I found that the inconsistent punctuation made this difficult to understand on first read through. These lines in particular: This here what I behold The blood and the body Is ...
Apr 16, 2010 -
Re: A Billet-doux
As I opened my eyes and saw the attractive sunshine I saw "attractive", and I winced. Attractive is just not a word you use to describe sunshine. It just struck ...
Apr 15, 2010 -
Re: He Could Sing a Song
This was very interesting. I enjoyed reading it and puzzling out what He is (I'm still not quite sure what He is, but that's part of the fun). My only ...
Apr 15, 2010 -
Re: Sage Francis Emulation(critique as poem, or lyric)
You have a lot of unique imagery going on here, but I couldn't really appreciate it because I was distracted by the irregular rhythm and typos. For example: Futile was ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: The Rebel Inside Me...{Rewrote}
Aside from the chorus, nothing was consistent. Also, a lot of the lines struck me as too short, and there were a lot of rhymes that appeared and disappeared at ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: Hell Hound Day
I really liked this song. It just had this wonderfully dark feel to it. I just wish it had more than one verse. My only quibble with the writing is ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: Uncut Love
These lyrics were pretty amazing. You have a great sense of rhythm, and I could almost feel the song. The one thing that tripped me up is that it isn't ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: its alive
I'm really not sure what to make of this poem because it was so very short. I'm also confused with how the lines all relate to one another, especially the ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: Cursed By Life
Well, this flowed well enough, so it wasn't difficult to read, but there were a couple words that made me go "What?" and the ending of the poem struck me ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: It is not how it is suppose to be
Hello, Anshita. As DRdante already pointed out, this belongs in the Lyrics section rather than Lyric Poetry. I suggest you PM a moderator and ask them to move it for ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: Windmills or Breaking Slowly
Hello there. It's always sad to only get one review, so here I am to review you, too. You started out with a very interesting premise, however you switched to ...
Apr 14, 2010 -
Re: Wounded Angel
Tears of blood Ran down his face And stained his pure white cheeks Spurned from heaven Tossed to Earth His body starts to burn First impression: cliché imagery of the ...
Apr 13, 2010
