Published April 10, 2010
Hell Hound Day
INTRO
They’ll crawl up from the pits of hell
Lock up your windows and doors
Come on, come on, ring Satan's bell
And release the goddamn hounds
VERSE 1
Thudding pounding paws, moving in the darkness
Glowing blood red eyes see with surprising sharpness
Claws ripping up the soil, scattered leaves, scattered hearts
Don’t let them catch you or they’ll rip you to parts
Falling, falling, hit the ground
Stay down there, don’t make a sound
They’ll hunt you down and watch you suffer
Come on, get up, you’ll have to be tougher
CHORUS
The hounds, the hounds
They howl and bay
Darting through
The trees, the trees
They creak and sway
In
The wind, the wind
It blows away
All trace of
The hounds, the hounds
Of Hell Hound Day
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Hi there, I specialise in stories rather than lyrics, but I'll try to review this as best I can.
The introduction is lacking in rhythm in every second line. It just sounds a bit off, like every second line doesn't fit well. Verse 1 has much better rhythm, however, when you rhymed "suffer" and "tougher" in verse 1 it sounded a bit forced, maybe try coming up with a different line for the last line.
There is no verse 2 so its a bit short for a whole song, is this piece unfinished or does verse 1 repeat itself?
Your word choice was good, it worked well to paint a dark picture. The song created a new universe in which there is a Hell Hound Day - a day every year when the hell hounds are released and go on a killing spree to take people to hell with them - that's what I got, at least. It was a pretty cool vibe. I imagined the setting to be kind of 1700s.
overall, good word choice, good rhythm and rhyme in most places, cool theme and idea, but it was a bit short and the bits that I pointed out kind of detracted from the rest of the piece.
-Fighta
I really liked this song. It just had this wonderfully dark feel to it. I just wish it had more than one verse. My only quibble with the writing is the punctuation isn't consistent. Even song lyrics should follow punctuation conventions. For example:
If it were properly punctuated, it would read like "Thudding, pounding paws moving in the darkness. / Glowing, blood red eyes see with surprising sharpness." I think the punctuation makes it both easier to read and gives it more of an impact.
Hello there! So I have just a few thoughts on this piece. Firstly, in the first stanza where you say satin's i think you were trying to mean Satan, like the devil? Secondly, during the chorus I don't understand why you have some words italicized. Are those phrases supposed to be different musically or there to just change it up? It makes it slightly disorienting to read. Lastly, I can see this as a really cool old world vibe, sort of folk song. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it seems like the perfect song to sing around a campfire! Good job!