Jennafina

This would be a lot easier to read if you double spaced the dialogue and paragraphs instead of having it all in a clump. About your story, show me, don't ...

Very nice! I thought it was a little too full of errors, though. I like how it reads out loud; the character's accent is funny, but the things pronounced the ...

Hey Cookie! The first thing I noticed is that you've got some serious description. That's great, and I like the words you chose a lot, but I think it would ...

Please critique two other things for each story you post of your own. :) Moving quickly XXXXX darted across the area in front of him and reached the desk and ...

The ice cold water of the swamp was smooth as glass, and when I stuck my oar in to row, it seemed that I had shattered a forbidden window. Woah. ...

I like your title! Please double space your dialogue and paragraphs. :) Luke's right, you do say 'then' a lot. That can be easily fixed, though. The soft buzzing noise ...

Please double space your paragraphs! It'll make it six zillion times easier to read. That's how she felt, confused, walking in the sky, head in the thick factory smog that ...

You and Vernon are so cute. XD I really like the way you repeat some lines in different contexts. It's repetitive, but not annoying at all. It makes it sweet, ...

XD Very cool, Grif! I love the end of the first one. I laughed a lot. One thing: Smaur was naked on an operating table. I think you should mention ...

“Where is he?” they whispered in his ear. I don't like the 'they'. It makes it seem like they're saying it at the same time. “Kyle is in…Antarctica?” one of ...

Why are there numbers at the end of every line? I can't think what they add. Anyway, this seemed more like flash fiction than poetry to me. If you take ...

I like this a lot! It seems like every word counts towards the story, and nothing's extra. Your descriptions are just right, not too fluffy but enough to give me ...

I mean sure the villagers may find me strange standing in the torrent with only my nightwear on while they lie in their cosy warm beds, sleeping under the spell ...

Hi! Please double space your dialogue and paragraphs. It'll make your story a lot easier to read.When it's all crammed together it's really easy to lose your place. Also, there's ...

I really like Jon. Poor guy, lol. “Nothing,” she shook her head. “We think your wife is in danger.” “What…what kind of danger?” Jonathon looked around the room again. I ...