The Real Story Of The Three Lil' Pigz (with an urban twist)

(Spelling and punctuation errors deliberate to show the intelligence level of the speaker.)

Yo, wassup wit cha? I know watcha heard. I’m here to tell you the truth about what really happened. You all know the story: Big Bad Wolf kills two women, and gets caught goin’ after the third. This ya boy Warren Wolf callin’ in from Cook County Jail and I’ma say how it really went down, shawty.

As you all know I’m a rapper with the stage-name Big Bad Wolf. After I came of stage from a concert, these groupie-triplets come up to me. Their names were Falisha, Qualisha, and Kalisha Pyg. They also gave me their hotels and room numbers. I tried to pick jus one, but, me bein’ a rapper, I decided to visit all three o’ dem that night. I shouldn’t have because of my alergies. But, they all looked so fine, I coundn’t pass dat up.

The first girl, Falisha, I could tell was da cheapest because she was in a raggedy old motel. I knocked on her door and said, “Lil’ Pyg, lil’ Pyg, let me in.”

“Who izit?” she asked.

“It’s da Big Bad Wolf”, I said.

“Ok. Jus wait one second”, sha said.

As she was openin’ da door my alergies came back. This was a very bad thing ‘cuz I sneeze hard. So hard, that one time I blew a couch out a window. If my sneeze could do dat, there’s no tellin’ what it was gon’ do to dat flimsy door of hers. So I sneezed, and the nex’ thing I knew, the door was gone. Her room was so trashed; I didn’t see her in there. Figurin’ she probly lef’, I ran to my car and rode out.

The second girl, Qualisha, didn’t mind spendin’ a lil’ money. I could tell ‘cuz o’ da three star hotel she was stayin’ in. As I was walkin’ to her room, I noticed da doors wasn’t much better than the motel’s. God forbid if I sneeze agin. When I got to her room, I knocked on her door and said, “Lil’ Pyg, lil’ Pyg, let me in.”

“Who izit?” she asked.

“It’s da Big Bad Wolf”, I said.

“Ok. Jus wait one minuet”, she said.

As she was openin’ da door my alergies came back agin. She opened da door befo’ I sneezed with a smile on her face. Then I sneezed. The nex’ thing I knew, her room was so trashed; I didn’t see her in there. Figurin’ she probly ducked, I ran to my car and rode out. As soon as I lef’, the cops showed up. Still shaken, I really didn’t care.

The third girl, Kalisha, liked the finer things in life. I could tell becuz she stayed in a beta hotel than I was. Outside were da same cops I saw befo’. I still didn’t pay it any mind. As I was walkin’ to her room, I noticed da doors were metal. So I figured I had a chance. When I got to her room, I knocked on her door and said, “Lil’ Pyg, lil’ Pyg, let me in.”

“Who izit?” she asked.

“It’s da Big Bad Wolf”, I said.

“Ok. Jus wait one moment”, she said.

Befo’ she opened da door I saw da cops comin’ down da hall. And guess what, as she was openin’ da door my alergies came back again. For some reason, she didn’t open da door right away. I sneezed anyway. This place was different becuz the door didn’t fly off, it jus fell down. Then the cops started runnin’ after me sayin’, “There he is! GET HIM!!!

Well we all know what happened after that. I got arrested. Becuz of some bogus story Kalisha told, I got put in jail. After the press got done with this story, I was the badguy. If a lawyer, judge, or anybody hears dis, GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!