Published March 11, 2007
It was there that I spotted her.
Dressed in the finest silk of tassel-yellow gold, I saw her fair face peeking out in the sunshine.
Her dark wavy lengths of hair blew against the wind, leaving me breathless.
Eyes closed, I could hear her hum a traditional Irish hymn. Her voice seemed to send a tingle to my spine.
I gazed longingly at her, not wishing to ruin the moment.
Suddenly, her eyes flew open. She turned and stared straight at me.
Freezing in my hiding spot, I could feel myself heating up. Slowly, I got up and approached her.
She gave out a small sigh and took a step backward. I raised my hand up to show her my meaning in no harm.
For a moment, she hesitated but then let herself be.
Her pale face was the touch of an angel and made me draw closer to her. Still, she stood like a statue, not sure of me.
But as soon as I stood so close to with no air in between, she quivered.
Tilting her chin towards me, I slowly pressed my lips to hers. There we stood as if time and Earth could never readjust. Just like frozen particles in a time that stopped, there we stood.
When the contact was broke, suddenly the chemistry faded along with it. Her horrified eyes worried me until it was too late.
Turning away, she ran and ran until my calling ceased to be heard. And there, she faded into darkness as darkness faded with her.
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141,481 Literary Works • 674,512 Reviews
Awww, this was sad. I really do love your description and everthing though. It flowed like a story/poem, I liked it that way. I understood exactly what you were saying without a doubt but I still got that poetry feel. Nice job.
*Eyes closed, I could hear her hum a tradition Irish hymn
**I think you meant traditional?
Otherwise, nice job on this I really liked it. It could do without the numbered lines though since that could prove confusing to your readers.
Keep at it!
~Rieda
Why are there numbers at the end of every line? I can't think what they add.
Keep writing!
Anyway, this seemed more like flash fiction than poetry to me. If you take out some of the line breaks it would make a great short story.
I'd like to know a little bit more about the narrator. He (she?) isn't really explained. Does the narrator even know this girl, or was it lust at first sight? Was the narrator a lot older than the girl or something? Why'd she run away?
Lol, maybe I just don't get it. Thanks for posting, though.
-Jenna