z

Young Writers Society



tale of 2 princes story so far

by Beleis


[img][color=red]The saga of the 2 Prince’s

Book 1: The peace is broken

Chapter 1 the prophecy of the two prince’s

“ Sandroma, where is Sandroma I have urgent news” said Gulf.

Gulf is of strong build, has long black hair, brown eyes and is very muscular. Sandroma was running down the hallway when he heard gulf shouting for him. Sandroma has a light build, Farley muscular, short Blond hair, and has a pair of swords on his back and has light armour on.“ I’m here wha” Sandroma stopped short when he saw what happen to Gulf arrows were in his arms and his all along his spine with blood was all over floor and down his arms and back coming out of their entry holes, “ what happen to you I thought you were in Anfalas what happen their tell me quick” asked Sandroma

“ They attacked, they attacked at night and without warning” shouted Gulf “ who did, who” shouted back Sandroma

“ The Daemons of night they were capturing and transforming their captives in to daemons as well. They were also saying that long ago a prophecy was foretold saying that two princes shall be born on the day and time, one in the heart of their kingdom and one in your kingdom, one of them will lead their side to victory good or evil into battle and only one prince will emerge as the winner but the loser will have a second chance. When that one falls to the ground and admits defeat they will awake to find them selves on a island, I did not here the rest but you have a copy of it in the ancient library hurry tell the king about it in privet tonight the prince must not hear it until after his coming of age ceremony in 2 weeks time” Gulf then stopped suddenly and his body went limb, he then just collapsed onto his back, the arrows along his spine came though to the other side of his body “ quickly get this man cleaned up and then prepare him for burial tomorrow evening and does any one Know where the king is” shouted Sandroma

“ I don’t know where he is sir but I will take care of your friend here sir go and find the king he must know” said Akeci Sandroma started running in the fortress’s grounds.

“ Sire, Sire where are you Sire” said Sandroma “where is he”. Sandroma has been looking all over for the king but has not found him in the fortress’s grounds, “ Have you seen the King” said forcefully Sandroma

“ I think I saw him in the dojo” replied one of the gate guards

“ Thank you” shouted Sandroma, and then he began running towards the dojo at tremendous speed. The world was whizzing past it would of normally of taken some one a couple of hours to get to the dojo but he made it there in 15 minutes. “ Sire, Sire I need to talk with you its about the treaty with the Daemons in the night” shouted Sandroma he looked around and saw that the king was fighting on the bars with his son Sandroma ran to the others side of the dojo and he started to run up the wall he did a back flip and landed on the bars “ sire I am sorry to interrupt your training with your son but this is important” explained Sandroma “ what can be more important than training my son for his coming of age ceremony in 2 weeks time Sandroma can’t it wait” roared the king

“ It can’t Sire the treaty it’s been broken,” cried Sandroma

“What happen dad?” asked the prince

“ Shh son, what do you mean the treaty is broken, Where did those foul creatures strike” roared the king

“ IN THE KINGDOME OF ANFALAS THEY STRUCK BY NIGHT AND WITHOUT WARNING” shouted Sandorma “ Gulf just died after giving me the message, he also said that you are the only one who can hear the message until your son has done his coming of age ceremony then he can hear the message as well”

“ Ok come and tell me the message later this evening at 9 o’clock I have to go son. Sandroma will take over your training for your coming of age ceremony. Sandroma train him in the ways of all the clans and in the ways of all different types of sword fighting and with axes, maces and daggers and teach the aerobatics fighting styles of the phoenix” said the king “ I’ll see you later son Sandroma don’t be late for tonight’s meeting” and with that the king jumped down from the bars and did a few crow style hand signs and teleported back to the fortress.

“ Sire we are now going to practice the ways of the dragon clan which is involves sword fighting, hand-hand combat, and transformation dragon hand sign and maybe some of the phoenix style as well if we have time” told Sandroma “ ok but can I chose which one I start with” asked the prince “ sure you can” said Sandroma.

“ Great lets start with some hand-hand combat and then some of the phoenix style to finish of the day” told the prince.

“ Ok lets start of with some kicks called claws of the fire dragon, right get to the top of the bars” explained Sandroma while the prince was getting to the bars while Sandroma just ran up the wall and did a back flip to get onto them. “ Before you can do them without mediating you must get your hands and line each finger and thumb up to other one on the other hand good prince that’s it, now focus all of your energy into your legs and then say feet of the dragon and repeat it 4 times then when you fell you are ready jump of the bars and shout claw of the fire dragon” asked Sandroma. When the prince was in position he got his hands and fingers into position and started to chant what Sandroma had told him to say, when the prince was ready he jumped high in to the air “CLAW OF THE FIRE DRAGON” shouted the prince and he started to kick rapidly into the air and when he did his 5th kick his leg started to turn into legs of a red fire dragon, when he landed onto ground he started kick more rapidly and furiously while he was kicking every now and again shots of fire

came out from the bottom of his feet and every now and again fire scorched the ground and sometimes the walls of the dojo.

“ Ok, ok you have mastered that far quicker than any that I have taught you were even faster then and your father and I after enough practice you will be able to do without having to meditate or saying the name of the move and it’s the same with any other technique that I will teach you,” explained Sandroma.

“ Wow really I thought I was doing really badly but any way what’s next on the agenda master Sandroma” asked the prince

“ Ok next up is the claw of the earth dragon and then the claw of the force dragon, and then after a break we shall move on to punches which are talon of the fire dragon, talon of the thunder dragon and talon of the force dragon,” told Sandroma

“ Great shall I do the same as I did for claw of the fire dragon?” asked the prince “ yes but this time, do your first straight away in to the floor of the dojo and it should make the a sound like a roar of a earth dragon but don’t worry if you don’t get it in the first try” said Sandroma “It took me and your father a few years to master this one but if you pass on your fist time I will teach a techniques that no one was thought possible anymore, because the last who did was the 5th king of our kingdom and he came up with it himself” continued Sandroma.

The prince got back onto the bars and did the same thing as he did for claw of the fire dragon. “Roar of the earth dragon” said the prince and then he jumped down and hit the ground with tremendous speed, when he hit the ground every one in the kingdom heard the prince’s roar of the earth dragon when prince started to do some kicks the ground came up when he kicked towards the sky after that if he kicked in any direction the boulder he pulled up from was sent flying in that direction he was facing. “Cool I did not know you can do that I have only heard that true masters can do that but I have done it with fire and earth now I wonder if I can do that with claw of the force dragon” wondered the prince.

“ No one in this half of the light kingdom has ever done this and at the age of 17 as well” said Sandroma “ ok time for the claw of the force dragon and then time for the lost fighting style of the 5th king of the holy land”.

“Yes time for the good stuff” shouted the prince. The prince jumped back onto the bars skilfully and did his meditation exercise to get his mind ready. “Claw of the force dragon” roared the prince then jumped down he hit the floor and jumped again around the dojo at sonic speed and when he came to a stop in mid-air he started to throw punches out into the air while he was doing this the air was hitting the dojo so fast that holes were appearing in them. When the prince had finished his furious fighting exercise’s he sat down and had a break from training for a few hours[/color][/color]

can you say what you think of this i have more on the way and can anyone tell me when the new linkin park album is coming


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User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 7

Donate
Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:10 pm
Beleis says...



thanks but i didn't no about that form rule i just signed up last week




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657 Reviews


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Reviews: 657

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Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:07 am
Jennafina wrote a review...



Hi!

Please double space your dialogue and paragraphs. It'll make your story a lot easier to read.When it's all crammed together it's really easy to lose your place. Also, there's a forum rule that says you should comment on two other stories/poems/art etc. before posting something of your own.

About punctuating dialogue:

You don't need to have a space between the first quotation mark and the word.

Always give your dialogue some type of punctuation mark at the end of the sentence.

All of these are correct.
"Hello!" she shouted.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Hello," she said.

This isn't correct:
"Hello" she said.

“ IN THE KINGDOME OF ANFALAS THEY STRUCK BY NIGHT AND WITHOUT WARNING” shouted Sandorma

Italics are less distracting and emphasize your speech in the same way. The shouted covers the volume, though. If you wanted her to be extra loud you could just use 'bellowed' or something. :)

Let's= Contraction for let us.
Lets= permits.

I'm sorry my critique focuses so much on little things, but it's really, really hard to read with all the punctuation errors. If you PM me once you fix them I'll come back and give you a better one. :)

Thanks for posting. :D
-Jenna





The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna