GryphonFledgling

I'm going to echo everyone in saying that this was a bit cliche, but I did like it. "You will die" was a little out of context, it seemed, with ...

ok! So this is the first chapter and a bit of Ice Cubes, for those of you that remember it - it's very different now, and it still needs a ...

Not much can be said of a crush that I have. It comes and it goes, but it (took away the capital 'I') should be known. True feelings can confuse, ...

I wasn't so sure about the rhythm. It worked sometimes and at others it didn't . Your rhymes seemed a little forced sometimes, but overall, I did like the poem. ...

I liked it. It is a little choppy, but it works. Any longer and it might have gotten irritating, but you kept it right at the length to tell the ...

As I (capitalized it) touched his frozen lips And shivered at the icy fingertips , (comma) I tried not to let out a scream When I (again] realized it wasn't ...

Hmmm... Interesting beginning. You don't really learn much about the characters in this, however. You can take your time, make it longer, and flesh them out. It would make the ...

Intriguing beginning! My only critique is that it is unlikely that a servant would voice displeasure with his master unless the two were very close. And you don't give us ...

:) I liked the ending. It was rather witty. It was interesting having a battle of wits. Not that either of them were incredibly witty. Meh, I have to say ...

Wow... Stopped by your profile and clicked... Wow... It was intense. I was confused for a great deal of it. I wasn't really sure what was going on, but the ...

Is this the beginning to a larger story? I'm a little confused as to what the title has to do with anything else. You have a bunch of HTML tags ...

The fumes escape out the butt, *sniggers* That's a pretty funny line and just sounds so frustrated. However, it doesn't quite seem to flow with the rest of the stanza. ...

Poor Nate. *shakes head* This was funny, but not as well written as the last one. There were a lot of typos that I don't really have time to point ...

I like the first three paragraphs and how you immediately set up the different goals. It makes it funny from the very beginning. One thing that I would suggest, however, ...

There were quotation marks... Just not around the thoughts... Awwwwww.... That was my first reaction to this story. It is definitely rather fluffy, but those are always good to read ...