Griffinkeeper

Boni Bee, thanks for the helpful grammar/word choice. If it didn't turn out good, it was because I was writing between 10:00PM and 1:00 AM local time. As for why ...

I've decided to shelve this project until further notice. It needs more planning.

The problem with that is that he is using Earth, not some other planet. If he is going to use the world, he has to write according to it's rules. ...

I'd up the rating.

Uh... how does the song go? It was hard to sing along to.

Nice description of a hippie on the way down. Really made him into an old man.

Materialistic isn't accurate because we are materialistic. However, we tend to fall more on the functional side of materialism, where females tend to fall more towards the fashionable side. When ...

Nice lyrical quality, but it seems like you over-played the dramatic aspects. A little suspense would be better, instead of pure angst.

Sammy doesn't seem like it belongs in 1810 Portsmouth. Also, the ing-verbs that start the sentences in the first paragraph should be used sparingly, after a while it gets annoying.

I don't get it. Too surrealistic.

Whatever the content of this is, the structure of it is all askew. This makes it harder to follow. Is this a poem?

If you are going to post a poem, use the name of the poem in the title, not "READn This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That just gets me annoyed.

Okay, I can do this. Thanks for the comments so far.

This sounds like a fantasy traveller story.

10 Power Crazed Mods? Us? Power crazed? No, even though the ability precious to me. Myy precioussss! *Runs off to the Misty Mountains, to be consumed by YWS.*