"I’ve never even met these people and I’m supposed high school living at their place? "
It's not good to start a story with a very noticeable error! You're missing a word or two in between 'supposed' and 'high school.'
Be wary of your appositives and how you place them in a sentence:
" Thinking about unpacking gets my mind, if only for a moment, off of the subject at hand."
The "if only for a moment," should be placed at the end. It is grammatically correct as it stands, but it's easier to read if you move it to the end.
I really like your writing style, and you definitely grabbed my attention with it. It's witty, short, to the point, and funny. Something like:
"I line my eyes darkly and apply the dark eye shadow I prefer. Mascara. Blush. Chapstick.
I’m good to go. "
Says so much more than using up a couple paragraphs to describe which one she might prefer, and the reasons behind that choice.
Which leads me into, you're good at descriptions. There are some things, such as what Griffin pointed out with guys, that seem unrealistic, but you do a pretty good job with them overall.
All in all, I really liked this.
Points: 1115
Reviews: 122
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