Fan

Like the others said, spaces between paragraphs is a must. It makes thing smuch easier to read and makes critiqing a lot easier as it is easier to see what ...

This seems to be more telling than showing, but I suppose that could be let off in a prologue. However, for the later chapters you will have to employ a ...

I know this chapter is pretty shaky and I'm working on re-writes having discovered 'the snowflake technique' and other useful planning techniques. Eleanor is a very modern name actually, but ...

Excuse me, Mr crucifix. But prologues tend to be a touch shadier then actual chapters. There are reasons you can't just transport to the big bad boss' HQ seeing as ...

I don't mind the negative review. After all, there's no point asking for critques if you can't handle bad feedback. It's part of the learning curve. I could probably attribute ...

'Tis good. Sort out the grammer and 'tis good. 8) (By the way, why does Fin hate being royalty or whatever he is.)

I was rather trying to show what hugpatrol could achieve if she improved rather than bragging. Anyway, removed the offending sentence should anyone else find it vain. Sorry for the ...

Although it is a short story, I find that there is very little chaarcter developement, or that the character seems real. As the others have pointed out, there are also ...

Wasn't there a topic in writing tips about this story? Anyway, hope to read more.

Changes...done! :)

Thank you all for the crits! *hugs for everyone!* I must admit that this story was painfully dragged out of me so I wouldn't be having a "writer's block" (really, ...

Made the changes, glad you enjoyed it! It's a rewrite of a stroy I had going, but failed to lift off in high fantasy, so I'm aiming at urban now. ...

Good, job, it reads a lot better now! :)

Sorry if its info dumpy at the start. Things are meant to be revealed as the story goes on. Anyway, thank you fr all the crits!

[spoiler]Apparently, Ron imitated the sounds that Harry used to open the chamber, but I wouldn't have thought it would be that easy, or Ron Weasley would have been able to ...