ErBear

Ahhh! I love this! Although I've never been pregnant (because I'm 14), I can relate to this story. It sums up everything that I've learned about having kids, but in ...

I witness a dark hole amass itself I like your word choice here, very strong start right before my deepening eyes-- the animosity of it's existence its, not it's is ...

This is short, sweet, and simple. (: I liked the way you split up your sentances. It just worked for the piece. Ugh, hills. I KNOW! I just ran for ...

I completely agree with the review above me. Your style of writing is very good, and your voice shines through to make it an overall enjoyable piece. (: Watch your ...

This is beautiful. Literally beautiful. Overall an enjoyable read. Comments- I understand that this story is meant to be crazy and random; a totally non-typical day. And while it highlighted ...

Mandy's mom was driving her car along that What highway? You might want to say 'the highway' so people aren't confused dark highway. Mandy used to be that young was ...

Take a deep breath and I to calm my racing heart. What time is it? It's 6:52 . I have about two more hours before they get home, two hours ...

I'm pretty sure that you're amazing. I love the tone of your voice! It's really very special; PLEASE KEEP WRITING AND SINGING. DON'T YOU DARE EVER STOP. Your lyrics feel ...

.... That's pretty much all to be said. Snoink's right, though; while the story is blatantly terrible, the narrator has a child-like innocence that I do enjoy. Even though the ...

Mary leaned against a yellow car Just a yellow car? Be much more specific. Her yellow car? and studied the highschoolers high schoolers (space) pouring out of the Once again, ...

Hello! First of all, I like what I've seen so far, but I was very distracted by your grammar mistakes... They really took away from the plot and the script ...

A little girl sat alone on the swing, her mom too busy to push her. So instead she swayed lightly comma her feet just grazing the ground. As she swayed ...

rapscallion Oh, I just love this word. Bravo! looked all around, frantically You could either just take out the 'all' and leave the 'around', or say 'the man frantically looked ...

Have you ever found love? amazing and striking opening sentance Seeing her.. And not knowing what to say? Talking to her, and, Suddenly realising that you have found your one? ...

Wow. This story was vivid, frightening, and amazing all at once. You have this amazing eerie way of organizing your words; it really makes the difference between a semi-good story ...