Published March 21, 2011
In the beginning,
I realize the only thing I feared
was fear itself.
I witness a dark hole amass
right before my deepening eyes--
the animosity of its existence
is almost overwhelming.
Gasp,
I step back--
stuttering a call for help,
but it's devastating.
If I could speak,
I'd choke on my breath,
but I'm void of what to say.
My breathing becomes rapid
I hide behind the only thing that's there,
my fear, but even that turns against me.
I'm consumed in a single bite.
Chew, swallow,
I fall into the fear that once hid me.
The notion now scares me to death,
that there's no way to escape the darkness.
Fear picks me apart
taking my body, ripping it to shreds
quite literally.
In the beginning,
the only thing I feared
was fear itself.
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140,647 Literary Works • 673,580 Reviews
Nice, the review above mine was quite good. Your first stanza was quite amazing, i really liked it. Your second stanza was also very strong but like the person above me said, it is its not it's but the last line is a little weak. Personally i don't mind the ' gasp'. all the other stanza's are quite good but not as strong as the first and second. I love the last one, the repatition just brings evertyhing back together, very poetic.
Great work!
I witness a dark hole amass itself I like your word choice here, very strong start
right before my deepening eyes--
the animosity of it's existence its, not it's
is almost overwhelming.
Gasp,I step back-- I'm not positive I like the --. It's a good place to use them but I'm not sure if they would work in other parts
stuttering a call for help,
but it's devastating.
There's nothing to say. Why not? urggg! (:
My breathing becomes rapid
I hide behind the only thing that's there: I would take out the :
my fear, but even that turns against me.
I'm consumed in a single bite. Eeeep! This line is eerily beautiful (:
Chew, swallow,
I fall into the fear that once hid me from this
notion that now scares me to death, awkward line break here
there's no way to escape the darkness.
Fear picks me apart
taking my body and ripping it to shreds--
quite literally.
The only thing I feared,
was fear itself. This is a pretty awesome ending, but I felt myself looking after that. It works, and it sums it up, but it's such a line that I'm compelled to find out what led to you fearing fear in the first place.
Oh, babe. This is beautiful! Your words are eerie and, while they are specific to your experience, there's a certain feel to the poem that makes it universal. It talks about fear, and everyone can relate to fear. It's wonderful. One thing: I kind of want this poem to have either all punctuation or no punctuation. It's great the way it is, but I'm curious as to what you could do with it w/o punctuation!
~Taylor