Published March 18, 2011
Hills ~
They give me the chills.
I've got to take some pills,
'cause now my knee kills.
Oh, the thrills
of hills.
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140,905 Literary Works • 673,714 Reviews
Hills. They are awful, aren't they? Still, rather helpful in some sort or form. More entertaining than running around on flat boring pavement. Then again, I don't have a bad knee. At least you don't have to run up a giant paved hill over a bridge with cars and almost get ran over. (Twice.) Not fun, my friend. Now to the actual poem.
I like the poem and the woe it gives off, but I wouldn't be totally against making it longer. You know, spice it up with some descriptive words. I can think of plenty.
Also, the begining of the poem is a bit chunky. Starting with plan old hills and then flowing into the rest of the poem gives the poem some... Well think of it like rocks on your hill. They are chunky,in the way, and annoying. Maybe make it a bit smoother by adding more words?
Sorry, not much of a help. It is short though, so short poem= short review! Keep writing!
@Idraax: This would involve us running up hills, and I have a bad knee (well, they're both bad, but one is worse than the other), so it would be just " 'cause now my knee kills."
It rhymes! This was a nice, short, poem. Now I am wondering what happened to the speaker. This
sounded a little odd to me though. If he was climbing up some hills or skiing down them, he'd use both of his knees right? So wouldn't they both hurt? Or does one hurt more than the other? I didn't really understand that. Perhaps you can clear that up? Sorry, I don't think I've been much help....This is short, sweet, and simple. (:
I liked the way you split up your sentances. It just worked for the piece.
Ugh, hills. I KNOW! I just ran for three miles and my back... I'm achin' like an old lady!
ANYWAYS...
It's really a cute little piece. I like it. Expresses the woe and pain of HILLS.
One thing (and god, is this SUPER nitpicky, so don't be bothered to change it):
Are you sure that
Hills ~
works?
Is that the title of the piece? Or the first stanza? If it was the title, maybe bold it.
Haha, I just love this!
~Taylor