Published January 4, 2011
I am not seeking for it to be structurally right, just emotionally. [ at least for now ] Wrote it after spending New Years Eve with someone really special to me.
Have you ever found love?
Seeing her..
And not knowing what to say?
Talking to her, and,
Suddenly realising that you have found your one?
Long years have past
And I never knew that someone,
Someone could be like you.
Mocked
Rejected
Ignored
That is all I got..
But you accepted,
Accepted me for who I am.
Perfect I am not
And I do not want to be
And even like this
You still care about me.
Listening
Accepting
Careing
Soothing
That is what i got from you.
You are not the perfect one
You are the right one
Always smiling
Always laughing
Always trying to make me change my mind
About my suicidal thoughts
You changed me.
You made me love you.
After all i went through
All the bad times they gave me
You are the only exception
The one that keeps me going
The one that i love..
Forever..
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137,663 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Well it is currently not letting me quote you so I am going to have to do it the old fashion way and copy and paste!
Flow here by the way, as requested by you!
The first thing I want to say is that I really like this. It made me smile because of the happiness you can feel in this. I can relate to this in some ways. It's almost like the cry of a heartbroken lover finding the life of love again. The feeling of acceptance is this makes me smile. It kind of gives your life story just in this little poem.
Have you ever found love?
Seeing her..
And not knowing what to say?
Talking to her, and,
Suddenly realizing that you have found your one? I don't know, but I think that if you said "the one" it woudl sound better.
Long years have past
And I never knew that someone,
Someone could be like you.
Mocked
Rejected
Ignored
That is all I got.. Have not got.
But you accepted,
Accepted me for who I am.
Perfect I am not
And I do not want to be Don't would work here better.
And even like this
You still care about me.
Listening
Accepting
Careing
Soothing
That is what I got from you.
You are not the perfect one
You are the right one I love these two lines!
Always smiling
Always laughing
Always trying to make me change my mind You have a lot of always here. I don't think you need them all.
About my suicidal thoughts
You changed me.
You made me love you.
After all I went through
All the bad times
they gave me Who is they?
You are the only exception
The one that keeps me going
The one that I love..
Forever..
Just those little nitpics above! I loved this, and this is amazing because I don't like love poems very often. You are a very talented writer. You have set the mood you desired I do believe.
-Flow-
Thanks a lot. It really helped.
I don't really change a poem I've allready written. I usually take what I've learnt and use it in the next poem.
Alright, now I will do my overall, because really that is what people want when they post a poem, not grammar and spelling mistakes. But, I did notice that other people pointed out some of your grammar mistakes and you didn't follow their advice. I just have to ask why. So why?
This poem told a story. I didn't picture any of it in my mind, but you weren't going for imagery I suppose. I felt emotion, but not in myself per-say. I felt it for your character. Your story. Not my own. Maybe this is why I can't relate. I really don't believe in love, but I think that people relate to imagery more than words. Yes I have cried in a novel and not a movie, but I that was a novel where I knew the characters. I also don't think you have very much energy. Maybe this is because I read it in early morning, but I don't feel life. No big bangs or lines where I think that is so true.
So, I think you if you take my advice have a bit of editing in store. I am not sure how you can bring life to a piece, because life is mostly in eyes of the reader. But, I am rambling because I wanted to give you my opinion because the other reviews just gave grammar.
Welcome to the site,
A. S.
Wonderful piece- very sweet.
Overall:
Very sweet again- the tone is conclusive at the ends, and really capture the emotion without it actually ending, which is hard to do, so good job on that. The piece was nice- simple, but extremely strong in emotion. I would go back and capitalize the "I"s and maybe make some other changes, but this was really nice overall. Great job!
-Coral-
This poem really touches the heart of the reader if he has felt the wonderful sensation of love.
I really liked it a lot.
Really very true.
Good work with the one word lines.
Awesome..
Keep up the good work...
Have you ever found love? amazing and striking opening sentance
Seeing her..
And not knowing what to say?
Talking to her, and,
Suddenly realising that you have found your one? I love this
Long years have past
And I never knew that someone,
Someone could be like you. I could really feel the raw emotion behind these three sentances
Mocked
Rejected
Ignored
That is all I got.. one period for dramatic effect, or three to segway into the other part
But you accepted,
Accepted me for who I am.
Perfect I am not love this
And I do not want to be
And even like this
You still care about me.
Listening
Accepting
Careing *caring*
Soothing
That is what i got from you. *I*
You are not the perfect one
You are the right one THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
Always smiling
Always laughing
Always trying to make me change my mind
About my suicidal thoughts
You changed me. this part made me smile. not the suicidal thoughts part, but how your lover changed you
You made me love you. big smile and "AWW!" here
After all i went through "I"
All the bad times they gave me
You are the only exception reminds me of "Only Exception" by Paramore
The one that keeps me going
The one that i love.. *I*
Forever..
AWWW!!!!!
God, that was like... THE CUTEST, sweetest, and most heartfelt piece of poetry I've ever read.
I wish every happiness to you and your girl!
Taylor