Emerson

That we should all get together and do this for you Jamie. Comma before Jamie, direct address. This certainly changes things, doesn't it? It foreshadows her dads home coming, and ...

This is odd... It's well written, but for me way too vague to be enjoyed. It was rambling to too great of an extent for me to enjoy, you know? ...

Read over it, you have some typos. I think you should also consider cleaning up the punctuation, or doing something. All the period make it seem clunky. Poems like this ...

Read the first part, so far. Some grammar was off (I think the above caught it.) But you should still consider reading through it yourself and trying to catch these ...

Some grammar issues in spots, but just glancing I think others caught them...? I wasn’t gay, but if I was it wouldn’t matter, she was beautiful enough to make me ...

I really liked the last line. This part was OK, for some reason it didn't seem as good to me as the others. It was bumpy to read, which I ...

This is good, but I think it should be done differently. It would be much better if written about the event after school, and if you showed his pain, and ...

There were a lot of grammar, spelling, typo issues in this, but I'm not going to point them out. You did a lot of telling, lots and lots and lots. ...

“He’s an angel.” He murmured. who is this he? Here. Doesn't really make sense. Since it isn't first person, who is this speaking? Assuming that someone is speaking. And otherwise... ...

He watched the people, [s]though they didn’t see him[/s], and wondered where their lives went. You don't need to repeat that he can't see them. You're probably saying so to ...

‘Plenty of other things will do that, too, least this way I’ve got a say in the matter.’ Period after "too", then a new sentence. It was an odd moment ...

I had never heard the phrase "too wordy" in criticism of a work of literature. To me this is an absurd idea, and those who use it while daring to ...

I had a problem with some of the punctuation (S4, L2, period?) and sometimes the rhyming went weird (mori/I?) and the rhythm went off (I didn't count it though, it ...

This was Ok. It could have been better. Jaime at a party? Yeah, you could have done a lot more to give this conflict. I liked the school conflict, but ...

"at stead" doesn't make sense to me. Also I read it exempting the parts in brackets, and it made less sense. I use brackets only when something can be taken ...