Dreamworx95

Hi ToxicAnglerFish, A message that anyone who has ever grown up in a religious society can relate to. I especially like the symbolism of a broken halo - the expectation ...

Prose - I don't know whether this is intentional or not, but you overuse "shone" in the first paragraph. My impression is the repetition is meant to be poetic or ...

Hi Brookeallo, I enjoyed the rhymes in this poem. They're different. This is a heartfelt piece about a person who is growing up and who doesn't necessarily want to. There ...

Hi JoeBookMan, I hope I can offer some constructive feedback. "When the grieving’d been done we went home, but not whole We’d lost something precious, something loved, something full" - ...

Hi Anma! I hope I can offer some constructive comments! "One day a chicken perched upon a stick its owner had given her." -an interesting first line. It's a bit ...

Hi starchaser, I hope I can offer some constructive feedback on this poem. From first glance, the formatting looks really interesting. H[code]war: it tastes like the coppery rush you get ...

Hello jaspercat, I hope I can offer a constructive critique. "he smelled of sweat and sawdust and lumber" -an evocative and sensory first line "large, muscled arms that would engulf ...

Hello MulticoloredCyr, I hope I can offer some constructive feedback for you! "Mr. Halabi was a very simple man indeed" - this is a very direct and engaging line. "When ...

Hello, mephistophelesangel, I'm just going to dive right in. This is a beautiful poem of experiencing loss and a person grieving for the first time. I particularly love the last ...

Hello EKK15, just going to dive in here, these are just my nits and suggestions. Feel welcome to take what you like and leave what you don't. "the authors use ...

Hello Radrook, This has me in mind of "Do not go gentle into that good night" especially the use of "light" at the end of certain lines. Some lines could ...

Hello papillote, by now you probably already know I just like to jump right in. "I was trying to decide how to die. It all came down to filling out ...

Hi papillote, from the last chapter you posted, I got interested in reading the opening chapters of this story, so here I am. Just going to dive right in again. ...

Hello papillote, I'm just going to dive right in here. "The more desperate I got to stop it, just stop it, the angrier I got." Cut "just stop it" and ...

Hi Redbox, I'm just going to jump right in. "Today, marks the eighteen year" should be "eighteenth" I don't know if the way you formatted this adds anything: "Because: You ...