Young Writers Society

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about the loss of someone that was dearly loved. I like the way that the poem describes that actual process of dealing with the emotions that arise during such a bitter experience. The fear that one will never see that person again. The realization that we are all mortal and scheduled to suffer the same demise. The overwhelming sense of helplessness in the face of what appears to be the inevitable.

We all deal with it in ways that are perhaps not as traumatic initially. The death of a pet. The death of some distant relative, the death of a famous person. But is only when the death is of someone beloved that it hits us with a shatter force that demands denial, grief and final acceptance and perhaps a religiously based hope that somewhere somehow our beloved one is still well an conscious.

Looking forward tio reading more of your poetry.

I haven’t been online in a while. I’m so happy I logged on today. No words really, for how I feel about this. It is so lovely. Have a beautiful day.

I haven’t been online in a while. I’m so happy I logged on today. No words really, for how I feel about this. It is so lovely. Have a beautiful day.

Hi!

I absolutely love your title, and it's a great reflection on how loss works. I think your second stanza is your strongest, simply because you're giving us more than just a listing of what happens to the narrator - these are far more concrete things than some of your other stanzas. Like, in the fourth you start strong (phantom limbs! A totally different idea from what this usually implies, and I rather like the shock of reading it), but then you can do more with "warm day" and "memories" - give your narrator the space to actually delve into these things a bit more, and you'll end up with much more meat to your poem.

I like what you're doing with this, and can't wait to see what later revision brings!

Salutations, Lives4Christ24 is here for yet another review. I'm really sorry for your loss and what you have to go through in loss. Just remember what 'they'( Who is this they person). What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and when you go through hard times and survive you have a story and can help other people. Your poem is really beautiful and heartfelt. I really like this, but hope you never have to write another poem like this for a long time. God be with you.

Hello, mephistophelesangel, I'm just going to dive right in.

This is a beautiful poem of experiencing loss and a person grieving for the first time. I particularly love the last two lines. Also love the specificity of "as my brain tells me that my stomach has been empty for too long, but my heart weeps and tells me my tears will keep me alive." The connection of the physical sense of emptiness and the emotional and mental emptiness of losing someone. I guess I really only have praise for this. If this is written from personal experience, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. This is a wonderful poem.

Thank you for sharing,

Dream