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Young Writers Society


16+

Bitter Oracle - Chapter 7 - Gigs

by papillote


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Bitter, an Oracle, is furious against Mike, a young man who ambushed her at the end of an OA meeting. Read Chapter 6.

My encounter with Magic Mike had upset me. I was shaking and couldn’t make it stop. The more desperate I got to stop it, the angrier I got. Come on, don’t lose your grip! Relax! Why did I have to relax?! The guy was stalking me! Victim or not, stammerer or not, well-intentioned or not, he shouldn’t have followed me out of a OA meeting!

I drew myself a hot bath, hoping it would bring me off the brink of another Trance. I came out of the water half an hour later, still dangerously unsteady. My skin was all pruned, my body felt warm and loose, as well as a little shaky. I embraced the exhaustion, put on my PJs and curled up in bed with my phone.

I didn’t want to call Mazellan – it wasn’t the best of times – but, if I had to fall in a Trance, I figured I might as well make money with it.

He picked up the call at once. “Ain’t that my favorite bittersweet Scryer?” was his cheerful greeting.

“Cut the crap. You’ve got work for me?”

“Sure. I’ve been keeping a couple of prime gigs aside just in case you called.”

“Prime? What kind of prime gigs?”

“The kind you can do in five minutes, top, and earn two thousand doing.”

I frowned at my phone. Things that sounded too good to be true generally were. “What gives? You know I won’t do anything illegal.”

The slime-ball broke off. “Now, darling, that’s-”

I cut him off, “It’s not up for negotiation.”

He grumbled a while longer before he finally moved on, “Well, it leaves only one gig. It’s well-paid too, but it’s longer-time.”

“Tell me more.” Someone rang the doorbell just then. “Hang on,” I said. I glanced through the peephole and swore a blue streak, “Go on, it’s no one.”

The bell rang abuse at me as if to say, ‘liar’.

“Whoever No One is,” Mazellan drawled, “they’re making a racket.”

“None of your business. Tell me about the gig.”

“It’s for a small research outfit called “the Kowalski Project”. It’s very well-funded – a couple of prominent backers, I checked into that for you: two serious hedge-funds and the Griffin Group.”

I rolled my eyes. Count on Nigel Mazellan to check into a potential client’s finances first…

“But what do they do?” I asked.

“Do?” he replied. “Research.”

“Into what?”

“Who cares?” he scoffed. I let my silence speak for me, until he relented, “Some kind of neuroscience BS. They want to do MRI imaging on your brain during and between Trances.”

It sounded awfully vague and made-up. Somehow, Mazellan seemed to hear my doubts over the line.

“Come on, Bitter, it could be more than a one-off and you would get to deal directly with the Project’s people. No handler fee to pay.”

Shit. He loved his handler fee. There had to be a hefty commission for him somewhere in there – very hefty, judging by how insistent he was being.

“How much?” I asked.

I had to make him repeat the figure twice, I could barely hear him over the noise. The insistent ringing at my door had given way to pounding.

“I’m-I’m not leaving!” Magic Mike yelled outside.

I whistled at the respectable amount Mazellan quoted. “Nice. Text me the details. I’ll give them a call as soon as I’ve taken care of something.”

“Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Bit.”

I opened the door before my neighbors called the cops. I stood by my impression that Mike Murphy wasn’t dangerous. He was a right nuisance, however. He shoved his hand in the opening, making me glad I had left the chain on.

“I’m-m no-t leaving un-n-ntil you listen,” he told me.

I would have been impressed if he didn’t look so terrified.

“You’ve got five minutes, I’m listening.”

“M-My-My-” Still not the best idea to pressure him. He was up to another false start, but he managed, “My brother’s missing. K-K-K-Kyle. He-he-he’s t-Hm-” He paused, as if he had exhausted his capacity for speech. I was unwittingly impressed when he forced himself to go on, “He’s twenty-nine. Older-than m-me-me.” His face was scarlet, he wouldn’t meet my eyes, and his Adam’s apple was doing crazy somersaults. “He’s been g-g-gone three-days. Th-The police ca-can’t do anything.”

And, all of a sudden, I knew everything I needed to know. The police, of course.

“I’m sorry for your brother,” I told Mike – and I was. His brother was lucky he had family to care for him. “But I can’t help you. Whoever sent you my way made a terrible mistake.”

“M-My brother-”

“I’m sorry. I suggest that you send a request to either the OES or the Open Eye.”

“They won’t-”

“I’m sorry.”

I reached through the opening to shove him away. He staggered back. I closed the door.

A nagging voice whispered in my ear, I tried not to listen. It was saying that neither the OES not the Open Eye would be interested in Kyle Murphy.

Read Chapter 8 to find out who sent Mike Murphy to Bitter.


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Sat Jul 24, 2021 9:12 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi papillote,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

As always, it was a very exciting chapter with the right amount of drama. I like how the chapter moves at a fast pace, unlike the previous one, and seems to show some kind of split. First the whole thing with Mazellan and the ever growing intrusion of Mike Murphy during the chapter.

I can't say anything I didn't like in this chapter. The plot has moved forward and yet it has the same vibe as the last one. I can't help but notice that this is kind of a switch you're making here; one chapter is a little longer and slower and the next is shorter and gets right to the point.

What I like about the story so far here is how two paths open up where you've more or less already hinted at what the next chapter will be. I also like how when I'm reading it all, it always seems so murky and greyish in my mind. It gives the story a certain melancholic, dramatic and subconsciously sad storyline.

I liked the brief portrayal of Mazellan and think you did a great job of portraying him there too, even if he only makes such a brief appearance via phone. I'm still excited to see how the two storylines will come together and how the plot will develop.

I really can't find anything to criticise. It was a short and snappy chapter. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:12 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, going to be a bit distracted during this one, but have already read through and found no nit-picks so that should help my flow not be too stop-start.

Yeeeeeees! This is what I want. Don't give me all the plot details, but give me enough to know what questions I should expect answers to at some stage! The pacing of this is perfect; the dialogue on the form interspersed smoothly with the knocking at the door. That conversation goes back and forth with enough resistance to be interesting but quickly enough to keep me engaged.

Also, why do I feel that the plot threads may be starting to twine together... I still feel it's a bit late, but I'm really enjoying this development and it's making me look forward to reading the next few chapters.

Mazellan was a really well done character. You managed to make him seem sleazy with only telling me that directly once. That can be surprisingly hard, to do that without it seeming like he's a cartoon, and thereby difficult to believe.

Sorry this is kinda short, but I literally don't think I have anything else useful to say. I think this is my favourite chapter of the story so far :D

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




papillote says...


Oh, so, you're one of those...Stuff Starts Happening and you're all compliments. ;) I know, I'll have to do BIG CUTS in the first few chapters. And yep, that's when the story starts making sense.
Hope you enjoy...



ExOmelas says...


I mean... I like plot... sue me? :P



papillote says...


Worst things to like, like...hm? love triangles?



ExOmelas says...


hehe



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Sun May 27, 2018 11:25 pm
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Dreamworx95 wrote a review...



Hello papillote, I'm just going to dive right in here.

"The more desperate I got to stop it, just stop it, the angrier I got."

Cut "just stop it" and just leave it at "The more desperate I got to stop it, the angrier I got."

"my body felt warm and loose, as well as a little shaky."

Cut "felt" and try "...my body warm and loose and a little shaky."

"He picked up the call at once. “Ain’t that my favorite bitter-sweet Scryer?” was his cheerful greeting."

Try: "Ain't that my favorite bittersweet Scryer?" he greeted cheerfully.

"You’ve got work for me?" - maybe "you" instead of "you've" here, works better for the tone of the dialogue.

"It was my experience that things that sounded too good to be true generally were."

Maybe instead of "it was my experience" you can cut that part out and just leave it at "Things that sounded too good to be true generally were."

"I would have been impressed, but he looked terrified."

How about: "I would have been impressed if he didn't look so terrified."

So I just dove into this chapter without reading the previous ones. What I can say from what I've seen here is the dialogue is really good, kinda "realistic" in a way, but intriguing and the character's all sound distinct from one another. I enjoy the sparseness of the narrative, the way we can sort of read into the character's thoughts and motives from the dialogue and actions alone, almost like a screenplay. I think that's a sign of a writer who really knows his/her characters well. The dialogue is very "quippy" in a good way, it "pings" back and forth in a delightful, easy-to-read manner. As for plot and such, I can't really comment on much because I haven't read the other chapters. You categorized this as fantasy, which intrigues me. There's also a science fiction feel to the story, what with the Oracles and these "organizations" and such, has me in mind of the Matrix. I'm curious about this poor Magic Mike guy that gets rejected by our MC, and how he/she is convinced that no one would be interested in Kyle Murphy.

This is a good chapter. From this alone, I can say I like your style of writing. I will definitely go back and read the other chapters.

-Dream




papillote says...


Thanks for the review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story too. I did hesitate between SF and Fantasy on this one, but it's just a little too far-fetched to be anything but fantasy. Ultimately, it doesn't matter.
Have a good day and thanks again for taking the time.



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ashleyisgirly14 wrote a review...



Hello! Ash here for a review!

This was an amazing chapter I do say so myself. And you did an outstanding job. I only noticed very small, minor errors. such as,

" followed me out of an OA meeting!" Here, you used the wrong article. Basically, the "an" should be "a". I wish I could explain it better, but, it's mainly because there is little detail on the OA meeting. By not specifying the meeting, it makes more sense by using a, because it means it could be any OA meeting. You could make it more specific instead if you'd like though!

" abuse at me," Here, there is no need for the comma. The sentence could be seen as a run on sentence. Which isn't needed.

"I would have been impressed," there is a bit of a passive voice here. I find it hard to notice these until after I've re-read what I wrote about 9 times. So it's very understandable.

Other than that, this was such an amazing story! Good job!




papillote says...


Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the chapter. Thanks for correcting these mistakes. You're right, I can't see them after a while.
Have a nice review day.





you're welcome! Have a good day!!!!




Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday