Deanie

Hi there Freakette, Another great chapter is here. It makes us understand a bit more about the world Xyza is currently living in, and interest us enough. It leaves me ...

Hi there Freakette, This was a pretty good beginning. Of course, you've managed to make us all wonder why the vampires have decided not to eat her. Which is good, ...

Hi Michigo, I'm with indie on this. It seems more like you should put it in a blog. It's not really a literary piece. On the other hand, I know ...

Hey Justlittleoleme, As description goes, this was good. It had good description of her feeling scared, and of her worry. Especially when you said that even to herself, her voice ...

Hi LadyPurple, This was alright, but I didn't feel like it was a prologue. I feel like it was more the beginning of chapter one. Maybe it's best you do ...

Hi Eloquent, This is what I call fantastic writing. It had a perfect pace, and you used description incredibly well. I noticed all the lovely details in the beginning, but ...

Hi Tabithalillian, I also read the first chapter, so I would understand this more. And I like it so far. It's nicely paced, and has a good story coming along ...

Hey Misstoria, I liked this. It had a good flow and rhythm and I liked the idea of describing Vegas here. I also really liked how the beginning was repeated ...

Hi Jordin, Okay, so this is the last chapter you have posted for this story. I like how Leti is going to have to help save his neighbourhood. It's a ...

Back again, Jordin. This chapter with give us more of an understand for Leti's character later on. There were a few misspells. You said " wok" instead of woke, "shad" ...

Hey Jordin, I'm just passing through so I can review some of your other chapters. But this looks good so far, and I don't know much about Irish history so ...

Hi there Lovelysayshi, I thought this was alright. There was a lot of dialogue, and I agree with lyssiekins. At times the dialogue did seem a bit forced. But I ...

Hey Speakskat. This is looking good. It's interesting and I want to read more. That means your doing nothing wrong! I did like the memories that were put through here, ...

Hey Picklesole, As sonnets go this was written beautifully. It flowed well and had a lovely meaning. I'm not sure what I would really want to change here. It gets ...

Hey Ray112, Well, this is in interesting beginning. It was good. I liked it. There were a few punctuation marks, especially in the flashback when you used dialogue. Sometimes the ...