Hey there! So this review I'll warn you is going to be a bit long, because I'm doing a lot of micro editing. But first, let me start more general. I like where this is going, I'm excited about what'll happen next. You've created really interesting characters that I'd like to get to know more, so definitely do all of your characters justice by properly introducing them and giving them detailed descriptions. For instance, you did a good job showing us the differing personalities of George and Grong. Try doing something like that with more characters like Wiggery, or Leti's father, or really Leti himself. A lot of this is action, try slowing things down a bit and describe in more detail the surroundings, or Leti's emotions, or really anything! So there's that. Alright, on to the next part.
Whenever I get a review that mentions spelling or grammar mistakes but doesn't specifically point out where it is, usually I kind of ignore it and move on. So to prevent that, I'll actually show you where I'm catching mistakes, from top to bottom, probably paragraph by paragraph or something.
One day as Leti was walking back to his home he saw a large number of people running about a post with a small white piece of paper the said.
The British armies are coming to take Ireland and Sweden, beware of the king of Briton.
*Britain
*that said:
Italicize the following statement.
This does not sound very threatening to you, but to these Irish people who had lived a long time in peace and plenty it had a sinister meaning but many of them were asking one another who had put this evil creed up and is it was just a hoax.
Don't switch tenses! And if you can avoid using "you" in a 3rd person view, then avoid it.
* This didn't sound very threatening, but to these Irish people, who had lived a long time in peace and plenty, it held a sinister meaning. Many of them were asking one another who had put this evil creed up, and if it was just a hoax.
But there were a few who had known of war and knew a bit about fighting and battle they were told by their elder son who was very excited and wanted to fight these British just as his father had done.
Reword this so it makes sense.
His father on the contrary did not like this at all he said “The British scoundrels, before they attacked us in my time they spread fear by doing the same thing that they are at this moment” he paused for a moment to catch his breath.” they will not actually attack for a few weeks but everyone will be sleepless and tired from staying awake all night waiting for the sound of the tramping feet of the British.”
*His father on the contrary did no like this at all. He stated "The British scoundrels...the same thing that they are doing at this moment."
*He paused for a moment to catch his breath
*"They will not actually attack for a few weeks, but...the British."
The whole family paused, then came a knock on the door and after entering the Irish family that stood from their chairs and saw who their gests where they saw that it was two men and that they were some of the older settlers of the village and the younger said “Well let’s talk about the news” and at once everyone had something to do some were helping their mother and others were going up into their beds to leave the grownups to talk alone.
*door.
*
after entering the Irish family that stood from their chairs and saw who their gests where
This doesn't make sense.
*They saw that it was two men whom were two of the older settlers of the village.
*The younger said "Well let's talk about the news,"
*
and at once everyone had something to do some were helping their mother and others were going up into their beds to leave the grownups to talk alone.
Be more specific here. Who goes where and does what?
But the young boy went out of the house and walked toward the cold lake that was now just a huge slush run with a few larger pieces of ice sliding down to the lake which was half frozen as he walked eh heard a familiar voce yell “Leti” he looked up and saw two of his friends one named George the other named Grong the later was a huge boy about six feet six inches with huge muscles as they drew near they began to talk even though they were a good fifteen feet apart and this was I think normal because if you are really excited and want to talk to someone Leti said “I have not seen you for a while. Have you heard the news?”
*specify that the young boy is Leti
*But Leti went out of the house and walked towards the half frozen lake that was now just a huge slush run with a few larger pieces of ice sliding down to the lake.
*As he walked he heard a familiar voice call out his name.
*He looked up and saw two of his friends, George and Grong.
*The latter was a huge boy who was about six and a half feet with huge muscles.
*As they drew near they...fifteen feet apart.
*This was normal when someone was really excited and wanted to talk to somebody.
Start new line at "Leti said."
“Yes we have” Grong said.
“Is that an answer to the first thing I said or the last?” asked Leti.
“Both” said George through a smile, he was always the one to think of some kind of silly answer.
*"Yes we have."
*...George through a smile. He was always...silly answer.
“So have you seen the way people have been acting?” Said Leti “My father says that they will probably attack in a few weeks so don’t go hiding in one of you fathers oak chests George.” George was looking kind of pail.
*said Leti.
*My father...in a few weeks, so don't go hiding in one of your father's oak chests, George."
*pale.
“Well I am going to ether run like most of the people are going to do or we can stay and fight like we should.” Said Grong emphasizing the last word.
“I think we are going to stay and fight” said Leti looking down at the dead grass that looked like men on a field of white.
*either
*"Well I am...are going to do, or stay and fight like we should."
*said Grong
*I think we...and fight."
That simile doesn't make sense to me.
“George!” cam an old woman’s voice at these few words off went George toward the sound of the voice and Grong looked at Leti and said “Well I should be getting back to my folks too.”
*came an old woman's voice.
*At these...sound of the voice.
*Grong looked at Leti (cut "and")
Leti said bye and walked hurriedly back to his house and went up into his room which he shared with his smaller brother named Wiggery which was a strange name for and Irish boy, Leti fell asleep and had dreams of armies of the British and the town on fire.
*Leti departed...to his house.
*He went up to his room, which he shared with his younger brother named Wiggery, a strange name for an Irish boy.
*Leti fell asleep, and dreamt of armies...town on fire.
He woke to the sound of a huge bell going ding dong ding dong ding dong.
He laid back down and pulled his pillow over his head so that he would not have to listen to it anymore.
About a minute later he heard the voice of his father calling him to come down.
*cut "huge"
Italicize the ding dongs.
Leti got up grumpily and walked down the stairs and saw his father talking to a man outside the door the man had a shovel over his shoulder and another smaller one stuck in the dirt when Leti’s father noticed him he said “Ah, here is my son.”
*Leti got up...down the stairs.
*He saw his father talking to a man outside the door.
*The man had a shovel...and a smaller one stuck in the dirt.
*When Leti's father
The other man looked at Leti studying, Leti’s father leant over and said “Son everyone is going to go and do some work on the town… he will explain on the way.” And at these words nudged me out and said aloud for the stranger to here “I will be down in a minute Agoden.” And he stepped back into the house and the man gave Leti the smaller shovel and an axe that he had sat in the snow.
*The other man studied Leti while Leti's father leant over
*And at these words he nudged me out and said aloud for the stranger to hear
*Then he stepped back into the house.
*The man gave Leti the smaller shovel and an axe that he had set onto the snow.
As they walked the man who appeared to be about 30 years old explained what they were going to be doing for the next week it ran along the lines of “We need to make some defenses for the town.”
*As they walked the man, who appeared to be about thirty years old, explained what they were going to be doing for the next week.
*It ran along
When they got to the line of people standing in a line with a various array of pickaxes shovels and other tools (Very old fashioned they are.) Just then Leti’s father came running up he was evidently going to be directing the proceedings.
*When they got...other tools (very old fashioned they were), Leti's father came running up, evidently going to be directing the proceedings.
He stood up and gave a long speech about the British coming and they would be about a week in getting to the town because they will have to get at least a portion of their army unloaded from the boats that had carried them from Britain to Ireland.
*long speech about the British coming.
*He said they would be about a week in getting to the town because they would have to unload at least a portion of their army from boats that had carried them from Britain to Ireland.
Leti so happened to be in the last third and everyone there wanted to be on a different job.
That night Leti slept so well that it seemed like he had only actually slept for a minute when the bells went off and woke him this time he got up and went to his work, next week the results of their work work was encouraging, they had a huge wall made out of trees thick enough for you to walk on it, they also had a huge ditch that was about 14 feet deep and 15 feet wide then there was a huge mound of dirt that had hardened from the cold.
*for a minute before the bells went off an woke him.
*This time...to his work.
*By the next week, the results of their work were encouraging.
*They
*"trees thick enough for you to walk on it" This doesn't make sense.
*they had built a huge ditch...feet wide, and lastly there was...from the cold.
Okay, I hope this was helpful! Have a nice day!
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