Costa

Quite the suspenseful prologue, this. I'm not exactly too keen on how preachy Kat sounds here, criticizing the reader for not being as nihilistic as she clearly is. But, then ...

Heh, are you sure this is meant as a short story? I feel like it could make for something longer than that! Regardless, I like what you did here: keeping ...

Hmm, what a gripping prologue. The narrator just oozes personality, and pulls you in with the certainty that he's got a tale for the ages. What else can I say? ...

Hmm, this is tagged as part one but it kind of feels like there should be stuff before this chapter. Are the ones in the Related Items section prequels to ...

Quick and to the point, eh? That's not a bad thing but I reckon you could stand to slow down a a wee bit and add more meat to events. ...

Is this really just a short story? Because it feels like I'm coming in right in the middle of the plot! I hope this is actually proper novel because I'm ...

Aye, I'll agree with what Soundofmind said in that this - especially the dialogue half - feels rather rushed. I mean, the entire chapter is slightly over nine hundred words ...

Trolls! Oh, how I hate them! The huge dingheads show up out of nowhere and knock half your health off with a swing! :x Needless to say, consider me hyped ...

I don't usually care for fanfictions but, what the hell, Elder Scrolls has always been a favorite series of mine. I'm liking the way you're writing this thus far - ...

I'm always open for stories of people who've found success and happiness, so I already approve of this one. Am I correct to assume that this is your life's story? ...

I really like how you did this. As PenguinAttack said below, you are very effective in your writing which makes for some very clear images. However, yes, there is something ...

Um... how does this relate to "The coming of the Messiah and the new Jerusalem."? :O I suppose the sun could be an allegory for the Messiah but where does ...

Erm... I'm going to have to agree with what Tigeraye said. There's just too much going on here for something of a short story: you introduce the planet, shift back ...

Heh, nice. I felt a wee bit of nostalgia reading this since I did pretty a whole lot of similar things. I also had the luck of being the only ...

Hmm, I am not sure how exactly to feel about this story just YET. I may need to read another chapter or two before deciding if this is my thing ...