Young Writers Society

Hey there! Thought I'd drop by for a review today.

So, I'm liking how your MC is sort of human and sort of not. Definitely interesting implications there, with how he/she fits into (or well, doesn't fit into) the human world. And I'm interested in how he/she is fine with killing humans and how they wound up commanding the wolf pack to this extent. Can he/she communicate with them? And how? Also, however he/she wound up looking like they do should be pretty cool. You've got a lot of meat to dig into with this story.

Also, as you may have noticed by me constantly using he/she, I can't tell if the narrator's a boy or a girl. Probably something you should resolve pretty quickly into the story - it's one of my pet peeves with first person.

Biggest thing that drew me out of the story: the navel gazing. This is our first introduction to your main character, and as such we're not really ready to come deep into their head and on their internal journey with them. We're lacking context and sympathy for your narrator, and those things are built by actions, not deep-seated reflection. You have actions here - there's an entire battle - but you completely skip over most of it, and that's hurting you. While it's not always good to start off with a battle because the reader doesn't know why anyone's fighting or who to root for, skimming over it like this with a heavy-handed explanation of the morals isn't quite working either.

Basically, I guess this feels quite like a prologue, and I'm willing to bet the story doesn't necessarily need one. You do a good job of setting the tone for the story, but it's a bit too heavy-handed with the exposition of the conflict and why your MC does what they do.

And that's all I've got! Good luck, and keep writing.

Quick and to the point, eh? That's not a bad thing but I reckon you could stand to slow down a a wee bit and add more meat to events.

For example, since we're dealing with something of a werewolf, smells and sounds would obviously play a big part in how he (she?) senses the world. So, why not add some descriptions of that regarding the forest, campfire and the slaughter of the hunters? In a first person POV, expressing how the MC perceives stuff around him helps pull the reader in. Since you don't seem hesitant to have violence in the story, you might as well expand on the details of the attack to make for better imagery.

And, for that matter, I've a nagging feeling that the MC questioning his own being comes a bit abruptly. While not mentioned in the story, I'd wager he's been living with this pack for quite a long while and this is unlikely to be his first time attacking other people. So, what made this one different enough to trigger that reaction? Did the MC see someone around his age and how different that person was? Was he questioning the immorality of humans, drawing a parallel with himself in both appearance and mindset?
Since, again, you're in a first person POV, you've a wide avenue with which to lay out the MC's innermost thoughts, so go crazy with it. It all adds to the character.

This chapter feels like a prologue, so it's a bit early to say much more about this story. Still, the foundation here looks solid - now you just need to build upon it.