The Basement Secrets: Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was certainly a really interesting prologue this one...I haven't seen too many things that start quite like this one...and that ending was a great choice here...this is good enough that I just might dig through the rest of this story if ever do remember to do so. Its the kind of prologue that leaves you wanting to find out more.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Life.

A 4 letter word,

What's the meaning of it?

Why do people like it so much?

When all it is, is filled with disappointment.

I'll never understand.

People say all the time "life sucks"

But seriously what do they know about it?

They haven't gone though what I have.

They don't know the full meaning of that phrase.

I know that I'm too young to be saying this,

But trust me when I say,

You dont wanna know how bad

A life can possibly suck.

Hi.

I'm Katherine. Katherine Regina Swan, but you may as well call me Kat. I'm 16 soon to be 17 and I used to have a great life.

Yes, "used to". Past tense.

I warn you, if you have a soft heart and are prone to faint at the sight of blood, do not read this any further. Go back to your life. And believe whatever lie you believed about everyone before. If you get scared in the middle, well do not blame me.

You see, untill a month or so ago I had the perfect life. Loving friends. A caring boyfriend and good grades. My parents loved me. But more than anything else I had a living best friend.

What else could I possibly ask for right? Everything was so perfect. The perfect illusion of how I wanted my life to be. But the thing about illusions is, they never last for long.

Mine didnt either.

It all started with a game of dare. Now who could have ever thought that on a normal school day, a game of dare could change a person's life so dramatically?

This is not a review but I will say that I like the way the whole thing works together making it look and sound like real life.

Hey, so this is my first day on YWS, so I figured I'd kick off my time here with a review! It's my first one, so forgive me if I'm a little inexperienced lol So, first off, there is a clear tone that you set up in a very short amount of time, that I love. You know that thing when you can almost hear the narrator's voice even though you know nothing about the narrator? Yeah, that happened haha I love the choice to have "Hi" be its own separate line. It sets up a slow, solemn pace for how Katherine is speaking. I also love the line, "But the thing about illusions is, they never last for long." If you ask me, that's the strongest bit of writing in here - it's a line that kinda sticks with you.

I also commend you for tackling the biggest question: life. It's a tough thing to do, and a lot of art forms try to tackle it, but considering that it is such a large subject to face, there are bound to be some issues in facing it. So as you continue, remember to treat the subject matter of "life" very carefully, because life is such a large question with so many different facets and facts that it may even become easier to focus in on one aspect of life (love, family, friendship, etc.) and focus on that instead of the larger picture. I would not say that people, "like" life. I think it's an interesting point to make, as it implies that the narrator does not like her life, otherwise she would understand why people like it, but I think the wording is slightly off. I think there are a lot of things you can say about life apart from simply liking it (fighting for it, ending it, letting it slip by, trying to prolong it, etc) that might have a stronger effect here.

I'd have to read the full novel to know, but keep in mind that a prologue can be an excellent way to grab a reader, but at the same time it needs to serve a purpose to the story apart from simply grabbing one's attention. Like I said, I'd have to read it to find out, but if this is simply a teaser with no yielding on the story, then it may be superfluous and I know that's something a lot of readers don't like (I honestly couldn't care less, exciting writing is exciting writing, and if it helps the story be told more effectively and clearly, I don't think it's a bad thing to tease the reader) but I know that many people see teasers like this as a cop-out, instead of sucking your audience in with scenes and writing, but I'd have to read the piece to know if this is, in fact, a cop-out. If you think it is, then I'd suggest grabbing the things you've learned from writing this prologue and tossing it into chapter one to grab your reader's attention. I think the ideal is for a prologue to be unnecessary for the quality of the book, lest it serve a specific function such as setting up the world or providing necessary information. So if you can make the story flow without it, go for it! If you think the story would be better told with the addition of this prologue, keep it in! (But run it by some people to clarify your choice is correct.)

See, I can tell you know how to be suspenseful, gripping, and unique because of this short bit of writing. So test the waters and see what you think. I am awfully curious how a game of dare could end up with your best friend dying, so if your intention was to grip the reader with this, you've got me haha Looking forward to Chapter 1!

Hi, DivergentDemigod. I'm Pan, and I'll be cooking up a review for you today.

This is a prologue that hints at an interesting story beyond, but that's precisely why I'm unsure of it. To prologue or not to prologue - that's a question that every writer asks themselves. But if I'm being honest, I don't think this piece is in great stead to better your novel.

To me, it feels like a safety net prologue. It reads like you're trying to assure your reader that they're in for a good story, rather than letting them decide for themselves. Your narrator is making all of these promises about how their story is going to shake the reader to their core, but that's not something we particularly want to hear; nobody wants to be told how they're going to feel about a novel that they've only read two paragraphs of.

It's something we're all guilty of doing - I can remember writing a prologue just like this in the past - but it's not a way to sell the story. Good novelists get straight to the meat of the narrative and trust that it will be interesting enough to keep people's attention. They never ask for it.

The solution to your problem, therefore, is fairly simple. Be brave. Cut out the prologue and go straight to chapter one with no preamble. Rather than assuring us, via your narrator, that the novel is going to involve dramatic twists and heartbreak, show us in your writing. If it's good, it will speak for itself, and be all the more effective for it.

Looking forward to reading chapter one!

Keep writing!
~Pan

Quite the suspenseful prologue, this. I'm not exactly too keen on how preachy Kat sounds here, criticizing the reader for not being as nihilistic as she clearly is. But, then again, I don't yet know what brought her to that point and finding that out is an interesting question to answer. From that point of view, this prologue serves its purpose nicely!

There isn't much to talk about since it's rather short but I'd like raise your attention to a few phrases lacking commas:

Yes, "used to"."

I warn you, if you have a soft heart[...]

You see, untill a month or so ago I had the perfect life.

What else could I possibly ask for, right?

Now, who could have ever thought that on a normal school day, a game of dare could change a person's life so dramatically.