Collision

Work on your tenses first. You switch back and forth between present tense and past tense dozens of times in the story and it makes it really difficult to connect. ...

I think you're capable of a much better beginning than this, to be honest. I wasn't expecting much from this story when I read the beginning but when I continued ...

I like how connected you are to this piece. I can feel your resentment in every word in the poem. The short structure actually works very well for me, it's ...

Hi :) I really like your beginning sentence, and I think if you carried this emotion throughout your writing it would be more interesting. The rest of it sounds more ...

Just some corrections: Dark oblivion stares cruelly back at me. ... the reality in ... I wrap the blanket ... to escape the circle It's a good poem, and I ...

Hi:) I actually really liked this. The emotion is so real interesting without being cliche, and I feel like I don't really understand what the narrator is going through, which ...

Hi :) I think you have really good metaphors in this poem, and it might actually work better without the rhyme scheme, since some of the rhymes sound a little ...

You did a fantastic job of showing real emotions, and I think a lot of people will identify with this poem. The tense feels a little awkward though. If only ...

With the exception of the first comma, all the commas seem to be unnecessary and make the poem kind of choppy. Just thought I'd note that Alot is not a ...

Wow, I loved that. The language was so interesting without being excessive, and I had to read it twice before I felt like I really could appreciate the way you ...

Hi! If I opened my fingers You would fly away I really like these lines, but I think the "ya, it would be okay" detracts from the fact that you've ...