Published November 5, 2009
I write for the same reason i breath
If I didn't I would die
Without words to express myself
Life's a broken winged bird that can't fly
I write down my soul word for word
I write things I could never say
without this method of expression
I would cry everyday
I try to forget all the regret
Or else life is mine to miss
Without saying what I truly feel
Then I'll always stay like this
So I write for the same reason I breath
it's so that bird can fly up to the sky
I need to rise higher and higher
And finally stop asking why
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141,298 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
Hi
I think you have really good metaphors in this poem, and it might actually work better without the rhyme scheme, since some of the rhymes sound a little stretched and you would be able to work in the words that you really want to say.
Just a note: breath is a noun, you want to use breathe.
Hello, Darth Maul! Allow me to review your very excellent poem. I read it through and I absolutley loved it! The content was perfect, and it kept me hooked from beginning to end. However, you did have alot of grammatical errors, which I think everyone else pointed out. I'm sorry I couldn't write a longer review, but I couldn't find anything that wasn't already said. Always make sure to look over your work before you post it. Reading aloud helps alot, too.
PM if you have questions.
I like this poem so much and I really really agree with you, I feel this way myself! Only question is the "broken winged bird" analogy (sounds like Hughes' "Dreams"), I don't really mind, just wonder if some would think you copied.... (though I know you probably didn't). Other than that, I think this is a very good piece.
I have just one quick suggestion.
is redundant.I think you should shorten it to
OOhh if you wouldnt mind could you go under Lyrical Peotry and read my newest post called The Eyes of an Angel? i f you could i would be verry happy THANKS!!
lol me too im mostly happ that u decided to help tho its greatly appreiated (:
Ha, I am glad you went back to fix it. Editing only takes a second!
~Classy
sorry i was in a rush im gonna fix it lol , it should say soul not should
Oof! Can you say proofread?!
Here I go...
Overall, I really think you should proofread, and you also need to add punctuation. Just because it is a poem, doesn't mean it doesn't deserve periods!
Now, your poem was meaninful, and written somewhat okay. What your saying makes sense, it just bored me a little...
Like I said before, the last four lines are the only I liked. Watch out on YWS, and anywhere else: readers will not want to read if they instantly spot issues!
Hope I helped!
~Classy