Ever since Jamie was 6 she wished for a happy ending like in those fairy tales that you hear when you're young. Since Jamie's family was rich, and believed in arranged marriages, her parents told her she was to marry Alexander Rome when she was 17. The worst person to be around (concerning her).So much for the "happy ending". She hated this idea so... soon toward the marriage she told all her friends that she was to run away. If they wanted to come they were to meet her in the Mucua park at 12'o'clock midnight on hollows eve. Then when everyone was there she told them the plan. THE PLAN: walk all the way to the train station (about a mile from where they were), and then go from England to NY city. When her parents woke that morning around 6am they ran to Jamie's room in a worry of her to be missing. When they arrived to her room and found nothing they panicked and called the police. The police searched everywhere in England and even gathered a search party but they couldn't find her so they sent out a want message to the United States.
The rest will be in about a week maybe less hope you liked it though and i dont want any tips please and thank you!!!
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the piece here. I have at the say at the moment this one currently resembles something like a outline for a story more than it being an actual story because the pacing is really quite fast and while it seems like this is mostly just talking about something being set up rather than story starting it seems a bit stuck in between the two and therefore its in a bit of limbo here and I think perhaps you need to take a second look at the exact vibe that you want to sell here.
Now that being said here I do like the potential of this one. It does seem like you could do a pretty strong story with this particular premise here and while this plan is a little on the extreme sides and you might want to be a bit more careful if you real want to create as realistic a story as possible, it does sound like it could lead to a lot of interesting situations especially depending on the kind of journey that you would ultimately want to send these characters on here. At any rate I think you did do enough to make me want to read more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi
I really like your beginning sentence, and I think if you carried this emotion throughout your writing it would be more interesting. The rest of it sounds more like a newspaper story; you're rushing to get a lot of facts in rather than elaborating on thoughts that the characters have. I'd like to read more of this though; your ideas are very interesting.
Just thought I'd add that Runaway is spelled with only one n
great start, but i think you could add a little more, i agree as well, it was rushed. those are just my thoughts, it's great so far!
I agree, it was rushed. And, don't use abbreviations like NY, spell it out. Use imagery so readers will get drawn in and can see it in their heads.. The idea is awesome, it just isn't written too well. PM me when you update it.
the idea sounds like it could be fine, but they way you wrote it was rushed. it seemed like the outline of a story, not an actual story. you need to put in some description, some pacing... some real writing... this isn't a story, it's an idea for one.
Okay, I think this is the makings of a good story, but you need to remember a few things.
First, even a short entry like this needs paragraphs. Remember that the next time you write.
Second, Spell out New York.
Third, and finally, put dialogue in your story and describe their surroundings, clothes, and how they feel. Then we can begin to understand the character and the situation.
Keep writing! PM me when you finish the next one!
Good story, I hope you continue writing good topic, I would love to read next one.