Published November 3, 2009
I'm sick of being anonymous,
cloaking myself with the shadows of others.
I want to feel the brilliant sunlight.
Can you hear me now?
I hated being referred to as “That girl”
“That girl” has a name.
Can you hear me now?
The fact of the matter is,
“That girl” is gone.
"That girl" is creating her own life.
Can you hear me now?
I'm creeping back into the sunlight,
I'm feeling the warmth crawl up my spine,
lighting me up inside.
Can you hear me now?
How could I have lived so long without knowing about this?
This gem of life that I was missing.
How did I ever live my life without happiness?
Can you hear me now?
I'm whispering my name to you.
Can you hear me now?
No more being anonymous.
I'm going to make you scream my name.
Because you hear me now.
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,751 Reviews
Hi:)
I actually really liked this. The emotion is so real interesting without being cliche, and I feel like I don't really understand what the narrator is going through, which I like.
Just one suggestion: I actually don't think you need the quotation marks in this part
Just a suggestion, but I think it makes it a little choppy.
Happy Writing.
Collision
hi .... i'm new to YWS..... and abt ur poetry.,.... well its really good.... it did seem a little vague though.... i had a feeling tht u cud hv given it a better shape....
regards
Respectable, yet it feels a little un-original.
Hi.
Your poem was good. Is it about a girl who was unknown and then went on to well for herself?
Is it a true story?
I like the way I felt emapthy for the MC and the imagery was good.
I would love to read more!
Thank you for the read,
Woozy
That is so... Empowering. I loved it. The way you said the Can you hear me now was just a little repetitive, but not enough to detract from the poem. The only thing I can say is that you should make the last line a little more different. You will hear me now. or something.
Heyy i would just like to start of by saying I FREAKIN LOVED THIS!!!!! the emoution that was put into writing it OMG!! it was just soo good. The way you stayed fluent, by useing "that Girl" it was just tremendus!!! Also the use i italics on words you wanted to stand out worked very well! I wouldn't change anything if i were you!!
Frank, clear and no-nonsense is what this is about.
Not many times do I come across such resolves in many poems like these.The good part about this was that the narrator does not indulge in self pity.Many of the poems of these kinds would just be about grieving and sulking at the fact of not being a part of the group, which this one, is clearly not about.
This is the part that needs attention.It is the turning part of the poem in which a resolve is made.A decision to change is made and a feeling of building confidence arrives.This part is the main source of the inspiration.
A very good way to end the poem in an effective manner.
Hey, I'm back! I like the revisions you've done, particularly the imagery you've added:
Not sure why you italicised "want" up there, but when you italicised "me" at the end, it gave it a different meaning. Also you capitalised "feeling", which wasn't necessary. Apart from that though, the imagery you added definitely helped make the poem less vague and now, much more than your first draft, it reads like an inspirational poem about changing yourself for the better. Good job.
Hello! This has potential, just a few things though:
The full stop at the end of this sentence makes it sound rather final, when in actual fact it kind of continues in the next line, so maybe that should be a comma instead. A little nit-picky perhaps, but it reads better. The second line could be the beginnings of the imagery this poem is kind of lacking, perhaps you could expand on these feelings of darkness, being in the shadows, night time, etc.
I like the repetition of "can you hear me now?" You do jump though, from not being seen to not being heard so maybe you could use some description to talk about why you're not being heard - is everyone else making too much noise, is it the noise of the world, or is everyone just not listening?
That first line there isn't a question, so you don't need a question mark there. Still liking the repetition, though
I like the imagery of sunlight and I feel like you could make a stronger link back to the first stanza where you talked about darkness.
This is an okay ending - I like that the person can finally be heard, but I'm left asking why - what has changed to make her now be heard and seen? This isn't clear and leaves me a little dissatisfied.
Overall, a good job, with great potential. It just needs a little more substance. Keep writing!
I liked this, good job. I have no corrections, ha ha
~Classy