Among the symbols of my youth:
The wood, the steel, the stone,
I lay to hear the reasonance
Of my empty second home.
When at rest and meditation,
This place bares ghosts of old.
Growth now stands stagnant
Stunted from the cold.
The weather hold no bearing here;
The air is always chill.
Freezing with the sounds of shreiks,
High and loud and trill.
Part of me was stolen here,
A part I can't retrieve.
So I wait ad infinitum
For love still unreceived.
Like the old Ms. Havisham,
I just can't cut the ties
That bind me here forever
Under his icy eyes.
All I am and all I was
Is drifting on the breeze,
So I will lay until I pluck
My old self from these trees.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi.
Your poem was good, I enjoyed it. Although, me and my nan saw it as two different things. Me, a child now grown up and looking back on his old playground.
My nan, a monkey evolving into man because he can't leave the trees!
But, hey, thats visuality for you!
A couple of things like Ms. Haversham and then under HIS icy eyes!
Thanks for the read,
Woozey
Wow. I loved this. To start off, it's full of mystery and intrigue. Wood, steel and stone: somehow the way you worded that made it very deep. Also, though your title suggests death, you mention that they are 'symbols of the persons youth', adding more mystery. You also very vividly paint a winter scene, and then make us wonder about why this place, obviously outside and cold, was a second home.
I'm guessing that you meant 'the weather holds' and not the weather hold, small difference but i thought i'd pointed it out. also, i think you meant that the air is always 'chilly', not chill. shreiks should be changed to shrieks, and i'm not sure if you meant trill or shrill, but both of them work.
After that verse, the mystery falls again, and that's what really keeps me hooked to this poem. who is the he? the description of his eyes is simple and yet very effective: always good. The last two lines are hauntingly mourning, which is a great way to end the poem. great job on this!
Wow, I loved that. The language was so interesting without being excessive, and I had to read it twice before I felt like I really could appreciate the way you wrote it.
could be changed to "Underneath his icy eyes."Just one suggestion, for it to flow better the line
? just an idea. Great work
That was so deep! I really enjoyed it, keep up the good work!
ok...idk if my comp is freking out, but the verse breaks after "stunted from the cold" , " for love still unreceived", "