Cade

I am definitely a fan of the beginning and the end of this poem, but I think that even after revision the second stanza is unnecessary. If not unnecessary...still done ...

I'll second Mesh and Clau in terms of the flow and rhythm problems here. I also fail to understand it. That said, I think you did a really great job ...

I like the contrast created here, butterflies and...horrible things. I suppose you're talking about butterflies in one's stomach? I share your sentiments. Meaning. It's a little too straightforward fo

Meaning. Pretty straightforward, and if you're going for sophisticated poetry, some subtlety would be nice...I do like that you introduce some sort of conflict or ambiguity with the questions in ...

Meaning. I'm going to have to go with Clau here and say I didn't completely understand it. I feel like there's some sort of huge extended metaphor here, but it ...

Hmm...I feel like too much of the poem is lost in the effort to rhyme well. While it's a good idea to challenge oneself with a rhyme scheme and some ...

*seconds Mesh's last comment* Shadow - Harold is a little boy who draws stuff with his crayon. He sort of creates little worlds for himself. Fantastic children's book. One of ...

This poem demonstrates that you are quite capable of being coherent and following a pattern, so good job. I'd take it any day over jumbled, fragmented emo poetry. That said, ...

Ah, a taker for the musical poetry challenge? Was this in response to or inspired by a specific musical piece, or intended to sound musical alone? I applaud your use ...

What really bugged me about the structure here was that the sentences are sort of stilted, and that "A black bowler hat perched jauntily on his head" is a fragment. ...

I believe that in a villanelle, the middle lines of each stanza ought to all rhyme with each other, making the ryhme scheme aba aba aba aba abaa. Unfortunately, escape, ...

Main problem: You cannot string a bunch of loosely connected, weak phrases together and expect it to sound coherent. I think this is a problem lots of beginning poets make. ...

The first thing I'd like to see you do with this poem is to add some capital letters. I think a poem looks much more professional and much neater if ...

On the statement of this poem: I recongize the humanity in the bible, and my lean was more so not to her story, but his. I wanted to focus in ...

I agree with Clau and something euclidean here. The "message" here was awfully cliche. Remember, if you want to convey a message through your work, the worst thing you can ...