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Re: I Only Miss You
I don't think that there's a huge need for flow in this piece.. I think it was perfectly done for what it is. The day by day concept is interesting ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: It all crashed down around me
Personally, I think that this was done well.... I'm not a huge fan of rhyming, but it wasn't awful in this. You had some subtle rhymes, which work. The tone ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: Bullies: One, Losers: None, Teacher: I Don't Really Care
Honestly, the rhyming scheme came off as kind of sing-songy to me. Which irks me. Quite a bit. But at least it was consistent. You seem to spend more time ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: Grapple with an Angel
Hi- beautiful piece you have there. Unique phrasing and gorgeous imagery.. I would have liked to known more about the situation itself though, as another reviewer mentioned. I definitely found ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: Deleted.. :(
Hi there- I liked that you changed perspective.. I would have like more in-depth characters though, and a bit more subtle descriptions. The ones you had were pretty blunt, and ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: My Broken Heart
Hi there.. So interesting piece.. I understand what type of thing you were going for.. simple, concise, in short, well short. :) However, there isn't enough. It needs to be ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: why you can't understand page 56 of your textbook
Hi there... I get this feeling altogether too often. And it was wonderfully described here.. it was great how you started with the emotion, and then described where it was ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: Summer Nights
Hi there :) Okay, so I thought this piece was very good.. the word choice was great, the phrasing pretty, and the imagery was gorgeous. However, for some reason, it ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: Russian Roulette
Hi there :) I would consider lengthening this a bit with some more emotional description, and perhaps some descriptions of the others around them. Or are there any others around ...
Aug 28, 2010 -
Re: You Remind Me Of
Hi there- I am not going to bring up the topic of punctuation. :P (I don't have any concrete opinions about it anyways >.>) Anywho. So I really liked this... ...
Aug 27, 2010 -
Re: It Began with a Lump in the Throat
Great piece, especially for a first attempt at poetry... it's something that you get used to it. When I first started.. it was not pretty. But now I actually kind ...
Aug 27, 2010 -
Re: Sally Crow and the Bullet-less Gun Prologue
So far.. I love it. I would watch your levels of description, and perhaps break it up into a couple more paragraphs, but this was wonderful. I love the voice ...
Aug 26, 2010 -
Re: All Sorrow Dispelled with a Smile
Hi there :) So.. some of the phrasing seemed kind of out of place.. You'd have this nice tone going and BAM, it would be different. Now, changing tone is ...
Aug 26, 2010 -
Re: the drugs, the devil, and me
Okay.. I will admit.. I did not finish this. But neither did you. So we're even. ^^ Okay.. this is what I got. No background or explanations. Which is okay ...
Aug 26, 2010 -
Re: No Title Yet
Hi- Coral here :) So.. this was a good piece.. the introduction to the abusive relationship was very well done.. handled delicately at first, spinning out of control as the ...
Aug 26, 2010
