Published August 27, 2010
Wet wings fluttering,
our bodies shuddering
as his hot-iron halo
saws into my skin.
Fingers elongate to claws and
blood wheels in veins—
the immortal martyr wrestles,
dragging me to a sweet inferno
until at last he howls—
the knell of a god
forgetting me,
forsaking me.
My groan hushes
to a penitent whisper;
his thrashing slows
to the lilt of a hymn.
Silent, he rises,
unfurls his wings
now raw and ragged:
sanctity’s illusion penetrated.
In his wake
I stare at the sun,
transfixed,
as it burns like a heretic.
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So, I'm not sure I like this poem, it has a good theme, and it is worded nicely, but it seems kinda like it needs more explanation, were are they, what kind of angel is he, why is he carrying you away to an inferno... Is it bad that he is taking you to that place, it seems as if yes but you say "sweet Inferno" so I'm not sure...
I do love the Imagery though, the best of poetry has good imagery, and you used it very nicely in this poem...
Also, you go from rhyming at the beginning, to dropping it off altogether... maybe you should make it all rhyme, or change it to were it doesn't rhyme at all, to make it flaw better...
There are things I like and thinks I think you should work on... But that is just me...Know, I may be missing the whole aspect of the poem, I do do that sometimes, I hope I didn't offend you...
~Rain~
Hi-
beautiful piece you have there. Unique phrasing and gorgeous imagery.. I would have liked to known more about the situation itself though, as another reviewer mentioned. I definitely found it interesting as is though. Nice job.
And I too first read the title as "Grapple with an Apple". And then, "Apple with an Angel".
c:
Great job.
-Coral-
This was amazing! Really. I don't know what to critique about this poem. It really did blow me away. I love the imagery you present. Poetry is such a beautiful thing. THank you for sharing your brilliant insight! Sorry I don't have any for you. Keep writing.
Dr
I loved this. The gothic imagery and the "forbidden romance" aspect of it. Some things confused me, though. Is this angel a good or evil being? It would seem he is evil, yet he is described as a "martyr." Also, a description of their setting would make this scene a lot more vivid. They're obviously outside because he lifts and flies away into the sun, but are they? I think a really good description of their surroundings would make this good poem great. I want to commend you on some of your more amazing phrases:
Brilliant. I loved the description of his howling as the "knell of a god."
And, basically, the next three stanzas of the poem. Only, I would have liked each line to start with a capitalized letter. I'm a grammar/punctuation stickler.
And just so you know when I first read your title, I thought it said, "Grappling with an Apple."
Great job!