-
Re: The first look
This is really sweet and endearing but it's also pretty forgettable. I think that maybe if you tried playing with your grammar and flow, and gave this poem a bit ...
Oct 12, 2013 -
Re: What The Winter Brings...
Comma splicessssss. I'm not usually one to comment on grammar all too often with reviews, but they were painful to get through in this piece. Fix 'em. Pretty please. (A ...
Sep 19, 2013 -
Re: Erased Messages
Alrighty. "Taking random medicine with unexpected outcomes" is such a bulky, watered down version of what you're trying to say that it actually makes me sad. Also, in what way ...
Sep 19, 2013 -
Re: right disasters, you and i
hey gorgeous So I don't have a whole lot to say, we can chat elsewhere if you'd like, in a piratepad or something and go line by line if you ...
Sep 19, 2013 -
Re: I am a lighthouse, but I am waiting for someone to call me home.
So! I really like this. It's a nice analogy and you carry it through to the end well. However, there are some inconsistencies in the grammar that are pretty distracting. ...
Aug 18, 2013 -
Re: That Tree in The Yard
Hey there! So, first thing I noticed: repetition of structure. Change it up a bit and this will be a helluva lot smoother. Next up, remember when we were talking ...
Aug 9, 2013 -
Re: Collection of short poems
While I understand that the poems were made for the words, rather than the words for the poem, I would still say this is rather clunky. I often base an ...
Jul 26, 2013 -
Re: Pain and Heartache
Hi there! So I definitely applaud you on expressing yourself, it's obvious that you're trying to let loose through writing which is really, really great. But, I'm here to give ...
Jul 1, 2013 -
Re: It's Not You, but It Isn't Me, Either
Aaaaaaaaa the potential! Hi dearest. So I kind of love this and I kind of don't. There are some serious gems in here and then some rather disappointing throw-aways. I ...
Jul 1, 2013 -
Re: #2 valley wide
Hellooo, darling. So! Some thoughts. First off, the shaky and inconsistent rhyme scheme actually made me stop mid-poem and look to see if I was imagining it or not. Rhyme ...
Jul 1, 2013 -
Re: History
Aley dear! So, let's jump right into this. You start off with boulders experiencing pain, a nice idea given the image, but I think that it falls flat here. In ...
May 22, 2013 -
Re: Experience
Alright. Nice work. Let's get to this. These linebreaks hurt my brain. Please, god, reorder this because right now, the beginning especially was just... ow. I'm not quite sure whether ...
Apr 9, 2013 -
Re: The Miracle Worker
Whew! Alrighty. So. This. First of all, formatting. Where's the formatting? Just because the person in your narrative is giving up doesn't mean you need to! Using lines (especially if ...
Mar 25, 2013 -
Re: the solidarity of fire
Hi there. This will be brief, as I don't review much anymore, and it's for the reason that I generally do a poor job of it. Let's get through it ...
Feb 2, 2013 -
Re: Pangs of past
Rhyme scheme: not workin' for me. I don't disapprove of rhyme schemes altogether, but they are hellish to pull off, and it's not working here. If you have to rearrange ...
Jan 27, 2013
