Boni_Bee

This is interesting.....only the first two stanzas rymned though, and that broke it up, I didn't like it after that.

Ok, here is the link to the other chapters :)

If anyone is going to crit this, please read the first two chapters first. I'd really like someone to critique this, so I know what to improve in the next ...

You had me stuck for a bit too! It was sort of relieving to find out it was only a play!!! lol Very interesting :)

Thanks Mesh!!! I understand what you're getting at. The first sentance is meant to be in italics because she is thinking, not talking! lol The reason she is not scared ...

Whatever..... :roll:

Great!!!! I didn't like the start of this chapter, but the end was good. I like how Ness and Landon have 'clicked', and I can't wait to read more!!! :D

Nice.... :) Some lines were a bit too long, for the rest of the poem, but I liked this. Good job

Nice! :) I agree with BlackDaisy, but I like the idea of the poem, very origional

I agree with forest ofthe nightingale, and the second stanza didn't ryme to well. Some of the words were a bit forced, but its pretty good.

There is such a thing as a on a drum. I knew what you were saying. Some of the ryming was a bit forced, and choppy, but it was pretty ...

I didn't like this. It was scattered, like xanthan gum said, and it just didn't have anything to make you want to read it again. I think it needs some ...

Nice. It was good, but it needs a bit of punctuation, as it makes you rush through it if you don't. The last couple of lines sort of didn't fit, ...

It's sweet, but a bit bland, and doesn't hold my attention. The ryming went off well, but I think you could have a bit more emotion in it. There is ...

What Noxious said :D I think it really needs a bit more description of the men/the room etc