I didn't like this. It was scattered, like xanthan gum said, and it just didn't have anything to make you want to read it again. I think it needs some work, but its ok.
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Inspiration!
9-21-05
Possibilities blossom, curling roots extend
lightning zings as my mind sings
everywhere and everyone will hear this call.
Heaven is this manic excitement,
while my future is hugging the line
power shrieks in my words, my worlds
gush and explode to life like spring,
I find myself hugging myself,
laughing out tears, living on my wavy edge.
And I’ll bend these possibilities,
skew your visions to my dream, I’ll
hug this lifetime, hug this moontide,
and let bullets of rain course
from these god-fingers, chuckling
in the name
of inspiration!
I didn't like this. It was scattered, like xanthan gum said, and it just didn't have anything to make you want to read it again. I think it needs some work, but its ok.
I agree that in ther beginning it appeared to me that you were going to rhyme and then changed your mind. Also, the poem, as a whole, seemed very scattered and strew about on many different topics before coming to rest on one. It was hard to get in such a short piece. Then again, the whole reference to "god-fingers" was very original and, all in all, the poem flowed nicely. Inspiration was certainly a fair name for this pieces and you covered the topic well. It definitely had the feeling of a piece that belonged to a true poet. Congratulations.
LOVE it. God-fingers. What a great word.
This is really almost an Ars Poetica. Incredible imagery, concise, clear, and with a point. This could be in a textbook. Nice work. (Plus, it almost feels unrevised, and when we get those rare ones that don't need to be, it feels so good.)
I like how it flows, thank you very much. And I've decided whether I want it to rhyme or not; sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Suck on that.
I liked this, the feel of it...I could relate, that's one of my favorite feelings ever, when you're really inspired.
Interesting images. It seams very floaty, like wind.
One thing though.
Possibilities blossom, curling roots extend
lightning zings as my mind sings
everywhere and everyone will hear this call.
You might want to decide if you want to rhyme or not, because here it doesn't seem to flow very well.
Points: 1050
Reviews: 267
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