Published September 25, 2005
Gone
No one really knew him,
No one really cared.
That's why he's gone now,
'Cause life he couldn't bear.
You taunted him; you teased,
While he just walked on by.
But now he's gone; you've laughed at him,
For the very last time.
You never knew the affect you had,
On one innocent life.
The way you made me feel,
The way he lived in fright.
So next time you decide,
To tease another person.
Think about the outcome,
Think about the reason,
This one innocent life is gone.
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
I liked the idea you were trying to get across, but it sounded a little bit cliche. I think that you have a good idea in your mind though, and that you could definetly work with it!
It has a nice message, I agree, but didn't seem very poetic in the sense that you tried to make it a true poem. It sounds more like a quick little rhyme lacking in effort. But it was short and sweet,and to the point, nonetheless.
is this a narrative poem?
it sounds nice and gives a nice message about humiliating others.
I agree with forest ofthe nightingale, and the second stanza didn't ryme to well. Some of the words were a bit forced, but its pretty good.
I really like the message of this poem. I totally agree with you. However, the last phrase in the last stanza is just not giving you the finish you need.
It seems a bit forced, like you didn't know what else to write (yes, i agree you need to tie it in with the rest of the poem, but it also needs to fit with the stanza). Work on that, but otherwise I really enjoyed reading this.