Published September 25, 2005
An Angel For Me
The light shined through her beautiful hair,
Gorgeous and talented, her skin so fair.
My child, my angel, and still to this day,
She's beautiful and perfect in every single way.
Her smile can brighten me on the darkest of days,
I ask her what she wants, she tells me to pray.
I cry all the time and ask God why,
He has it in his plans for this child to die.
I don't understand why, at only seven,
She's being called upon to join him in heaven.
What will I do when she's finally gone,
I'll have no more sunshine, I'll have no more song.
It's scary to think, this as her last night,
And still she smiles, she's without fright.
She's growing too weak, she can no longer play,
Her courage surprises me even more each day.
So be a good girl and take care to listen,
Your reward will be fine wings that glisten.
My child, my princess, you're a sweetheart indeed,
Noe go up to heaven and be an angel for me.
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
I'm not sure why, but I really liked how "gone" and "song" don't rhyme in the 3rd stanza. It breaks it up a bit and keeps the rhyming from sounding too forced. However, the last stanza was too weak to be an effective closer (
):
What is this girl supposed to listen to? It sounds like the rhyming in this stanza came from the only words you could think of that would (sort-of) fit. This has potential, so I hope you'll make some changes and keep on posting!
I thought the rhyming was good. The poem might of been stronger if you didn't focus on the rhming and concentrated more on the mood of the poem. But the poem created a tense atmosphere though.
(My computer won't let me post it all simultaneously. It was too large)
She's growing too weak, she can no longer play,
Her courage surprises me even more each day.
Take out "even"
So be a good girl and take care to listen,
Your reward will be fine wings that glisten.
That was actually funny...I would consider changing this somehow.
My child, my princess, you're a sweetheart indeed,
Noe go up to heaven and be an angel for me.
Spelling error. I must admit though, I thought this was so sweet but don't make "An Angel for Me" the title of the poem...it totally ruins everything. Something like "Angel" would be fine.
I agree with Boni Bee...it doesn't hold your attention. I had fun playing mind games with the rhyming even though I'm supposed to concentrating on the poem. Too be honest, you don't want to rhyme in a poem that's supposed to be serious. It's okay now but just try not to do that in the future.
My child, my angel, and still to this day,
She's beautiful and perfect in every single way.
Take out "single"
"I cry all the time and ask God why,
He has it in his plans for this child to die. "
Take out "it"
I don't understand why, at only seven,
She's being called upon to join him in heaven.
Take out "upon"
What will I do when she's finally gone,
I'll have no more sunshine, I'll have no more song..
Eh...doesn't rhyme. Go to http://rhymezone.com . Works wonders.
It's scary to think, this as her last night,
And still she smiles, she's without fright.
Sorry, but "fright" was weak. Once again, http://rhymezone.com .
It's sweet, but a bit bland, and doesn't hold my attention. The ryming went off well, but I think you could have a bit more emotion in it. There is a couple of spelling mistakes.