Aley

OMG YOU KNOW THE CONVENTION! THAT'S TOTALLY AMAZING DUDE! You're one of the few other people I've seen on YWS who know to not repeat the first some-odd words if ...

I see that this is your first poem. I would put it under romance instead of general. It could be Romance/Angst even because you're kind of doing a break up ...

I recognize that this is a structured poem, but I don't know the structure, so I'll review it more as a free verse. That being said, I won't comment on ...

This poem is contradictory in places, like cold fire. I understand that sometimes when you're burned it feels cold, or it could be from hypothermia, or frost burn, but it ...

I like this poem and how understated it is. When you really get into it, you spread out the line and that makes a really beautiful effect with the visual ...

This turned out really well. I love the use of formaldehyde because it really stands out to me as a scent that I remember very well from High School. It's ...

Dude, Bold, Why? Fix it DX. It's usually harsh, but its always true. This means: It is usually harsh, but it possesses always the truth. I believe you want it ...

That is a beautiful open for an OCD character. X and Y have very little to do with economics. She should be talking about supply and demand if she wants ...

Near the end you have a lowercase I'm, second to last paragraph. Make sure you keep an eye on that. Also check your use of ellipsis, they are to be ...

I heave a another sigh as I look out into the water,... Have* another isn't a noun, so it cannot have an infinitive in front of it. Its nice here--nicer ...

Elise will be as mad as a cat in a mangle, and I can’t go back, not when I’ve got so close. There's something off with the syntax here. it's ...

So overall, I think the story is well written. It is entertaining at this point and has a good flow to it. The biggest problem I see is the skipping. ...

This sounds like a dramatic poem, but I kind of think that it is lacking the real push it needs to drag the reader into the pain it experiences. The ...

Some of the syncopation with the original song is off. I'm not exactly sure if it was sung if you could match up the tunes all the time. For instance, ...

I feel like this is a little rushed, like a few months too soon. Also, I still don't know the basic things with this story. What does she look like? ...