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Severus Snape's Sing-Along Diary Act 1

by BlondieMissyAngel


ACT I
Entry #1

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(Slytherin Common Room)

SNAPE
Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaa. A haaaa.
So that’s what James sounds like when he laughs, mostly at me... a lot of people heard him an started laughing along. The terrifying feeling of lots of people staring, pointing...
No response, by the way from my parents yet. All this half-blood stuff sucks when you're in Slytherin. The pure blood mania is exhausting. Especially when Lucius is around. He's just...so judgmental and pure blooded and stuff...

(grabs letters from off the desk)

Ok, on to mail. LightDistrust writes "Hey half-blood," wow, half-blood, that's original... "What happened to the transfiguration spell you were supposed to use on Hagrid's acromantula to turn it into an umbrella? I saw him carrying a big box across the courtyardlabeled ARAGOG. Guess you failed again, probably the muggle in you." Ok you know what, yes my father is a muggle, but I am fully wizard. And also it wasn't about transforming Hagrid's spider into an umbrella, it was about... never mind.

This next one comes from a BeStrange, "Hey Idiot," (Snape shoots a funny look at the camera) "Why didn't you steal the Marauders Map yet from Potter and Black? You really are a coward." Actually BeStrange, I am planning on stealing it from them, very soon. I just, haven't found the proper time or place.

BlackDog writes, "Snivellous, I waited for you at the Quidditch Pitch yesterday, guess you didn't get the previous letter that I sent you with the date and time. Either that or you are just too stupid to know that when your enemy challenges you to a duel, it is wizard protocol to accept." Dude, you are not my enemy. I don't even know who you are... James Potter and his gang are my enemies...

The last one comes from ArtWeaselbee. “Long time Muggle fan, first time investigator. I heard your father is a," Blah blah blah blah... “You always complain that she doesn't know how you feel and that soon you will ‘show her how you really feel, show her the you really care.' Who is ‘her’ and does she even know that you’re” ...

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"My Time Turner"
QUIDDITCH DAY
SEE YOU THERE
SCARVES AND FLAGS
TUMBLING
WANNA SAY
“LOVE YOUR EYES”
THERE I GO
MUMBLING
WITH MY TIME TURNER I'LL REWIND THE DAY
WITH MY TIME TURNER I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE
WAY TO
TELL YOU HOW
HOW YOU MAKE
MAKE ME FEEL
WHAT’S THE TERM?
LIKE A SQUIB
KINDA SICK
HUFFLEPPUFF
MUGGLEBORN
WITH MY TIME TURNER I WILL STOP THE PAIN
IT’S NOT A DEATH CURSE OR AN FREEZE SPELL THAT’S ALL WEASELBEE
I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO SEE
THAT YOU'RE THE GIRL THAT MAKES IT REAL
THE FEELINGS YOU DON'T KNOW I FEEL
I’LL BEND THE SCHOOL TO YOUR WILL
AND WE’LL MAKE TIME MOVE BA-A-ACK WO-O-ORDS
THAT’S THE PLAN
RULE THE SCHOOL
YOU AND ME
WITHOUT JAMES
Love your eyes
LILLY
What?
SNAPE
No... I... I... I love the skies...
ANYWAY
WITH MY TIME TURNER I'LL REWIND -

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(Slytherin Common Room)

GOYLE
Hey Snape.
SNAPE
Goyle! My evil, Slytherin buddy. What’s going on?
GOYLE
Life of crime. Brought your mail.
SNAPE
Hey, didn’t you ahh. Didn’t you go on a date last
night with Bellatrix? Lucius Malfoy told me you were doubling with
him and Narcissa.
GOYLE
Yeah, uhhh...
SNAPE
Yeah?
GOYLE
It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to
end up with Bellatrix, but...
SNAPE
I hear ya. I saw Lily today.
GOYLE
You tell to her?
SNAPE
Not yet. I’m just a few weeks away from actually saying how I feel. I think I'm gonna ask... Oh my God!
GOYLE
Is that from the Club?
SNAPE
It’s from him! That’s his seal isn’t it?!?
GOYLE
The Professor? The... Oh my God!
SNAPE
I got a letter from Professor Slughorn!
GOYLE
That’s so hard core. Slughorn is legend. He rules
the Slug Club, only the most prestigious club in Hogwarts. Are you sure you wanna...?
"Slug Club Letter"
SLUG CLUB CHORUS
SLUG CLUB
SLUG CLUB
SLUG CLUB
SLUG CLUB
THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS WIZARDS
AND WITCHES IN ONE ROOM
THEY GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU SENT IN
IT NEEDS EVALUATION, SO LET THE TESTS BEGIN
A GREAT POTION, A SHOW OF FORCE,
(A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE)
SLUG CLUB
SLUG CLUB
SLUG CLUB
YOU'LL NEED A TICKET STUB
THE LEADER OF THE SLUG CLUB
IS WATCHING YOU, BEWARE
THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST
WE SWEAR
SO MAKE THE SLUG CLUB GLEEFUL
OR WE'LL BURN OFF YOUR HAIR
YOU’RE ALL SIGNED UP
THERE’S NO TIME TO MOURN
IT’S TIME TO GET A MOVE ON
SIGNED: PROFESSOR SLUGHORN
GOYLE
It’s not a no...
SNAPE
Are you stupid? This is wonderful! I’m about to pull a
major heist. You know the Marauder's Map that I need
to steal from James? He and his friends are using it tonight after dinner.
GOYLE
To sneak out of Hogwarts?
SNAPE
I don't know. All I need to do is follow them and steal it.
GOYLE
I hear they sneak into the Forbidden Forest, Avery told me.
SNAPE
Uhm thanks. Anyways... I gotta steal it.

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(Great Hall)

"Helping Charm"
LILY
WILL YOU CAST A HELPING CHARM
TO SAVE THE FORBIDDEN FOREST?
ONLY HAVE TO CAST THE CHARM
DON’T EVEN HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR
WOULD YOU HELP?
NO? HOW BOUT YOU?
WILL YOU CAST A HELPING CHARM?
SNAPE
ARGHHH!
LILY
Oh. Oh.
SNAPE
Argh. Ah. Hah. What?
LILY
I was wondering if I could just... Oh hey, Severus!
SNAPE
Hey Lily, how was your summer? You weren't at Spinners End, or were you, I don't know... Hi.
LILY
No, no my family went to France to visit Beauxbatons Academy. They were thinking about trying to transfer me to an all girls school. Petunia started telling my parents that I have secret lovers at Hogwarts.
SNAPE
She's just jealous, she always has been. And she should be, you are way better than she is.
LILY
(Blushes and smiles) Don't be mean... What did you do?
SNAPE
Nothing much. My parents got a divorce, who would've seen that coming huh... So what are you doing?
LILY
Actually I’m Head Girl and I'm trying to get Witches and Wizards to cast a helping charm to save the animals in the Forbidden Forest. Can you spare a minute?
SNAPE
Umm... Ok, go.
LILLY
Ok, so there's a werewolf rampaging around in the Forbidden Forest eating all the animals. Hagrid...
SNAPE
Hagrid? *pfft*
LILY
Yeah.
SNAPE
Sorry, go on.
LILY
I was saying um, he would help get the professors on board to come cast with us to try and find the werewolf and get it out of the forest if we can get enough students to come and cast the charm. You're not really interested in saving the forest animals are you?
SNAPE
No, I am. But they’re a symptom. You’re treating a
symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the entire school. A grindelow rots from the head as they say. So my
thinking is why not cut off the head?
LILY
Of Hogwarts?
SNAPE
It’s not a perfect metaphor... but I’m talking about an
overhaul of the system. Putting the power in...
different... hands.
LILY
I’m all for that... This petition is about the
forest...
SNAPE
I’d love to come cast the spell.
LILY
Thank you.
SNAPE
Sorry I... I come on strong.
LILY
But you agreed to help.
SNAPE
Wouldn’t want to turn my back on you... I mean on a fellow magical person
LILY
Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t... I’ll
probably see you there.
SNAPE
Yeah, you will. I’ll...
She asked me to help her. Why did she ask me to help NOW? Maybe I
should...
(Seeing James and posse walk to the Gryffindor table and immediately surrounded by girls)
"A Wizard’s Gotta Do"
A WIZARD’S GOTTA DO WHAT A WIZARD’S GOTTA DO
DON’T CAST THE SPELL IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH
ALL YOU NEED IS TO BE SEEN WAIVING YOUR OWN WAND
SOON I’LL CONTROL EVERYTHING
MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND (casts a spell and a snake appears on the Gryffindor table)
JAMES
STAND BACK EVERYONE
NOTHIN’ HERE TO SEE
JUST AN EXTREMELY DEADLY
AND THE HERO WILL BE ME (BLACK casts a "Breeze Spell" on James)
YES JAMES POTTER'S HERE
HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE (winks at Black)
THE SCHOOL NEEDS MY SPELL CASTING EXPERTISE(Hits the snake with a spell and it goes flying in the air and lands near Lily)
A WIZARD’S GOTTA DO WHAT A WIZARD’S GOTTA DO (snake goes after Lily and James casts a spell but it does nothing. Snape casts a spell that hit's the snake and it vanishes in smoke. James throws Lily over the table and jumps on the table kicking food into Snape's face, then walks over to a random girl and hands her a cupcake)
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU
THE ONLY SPELL THAT’S IN THE AIR IS YOU LOVING ME TILL DEATH
SO I’LL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH
SNAPE
(wiping the food off his face) You Git!
JAMES
Snivellous. I should have known you were the idiot behind this.
SNAPE
You could've hurt her.
JAMES
I'm not the one who created the snake.
SNAPE
*urgh*
BLACK
Its over for you Snivellous. Get ready to feel the wrath of Black. (Grabs Snape and puts him in a headlock)
LILY
THANK YOU JAMES POTTER, I DON’T THINK I CAN MAKE
A PERFECT THANK YOU FOR STOPPING THAT BIG SNAKE
I WOULD BE BITTEN; I’D BE POISONED I WOULD DIE
THANK YOU JAMES FOR BEING A NICE GUY
JAMES
Don’t worry about it.
A WIZARD’S GOTTA DO WHAT A WIZARD'S GOTTA DO.
LILY
(YOU CAME FROM NO WHERE.)
SNAPE
(ARE YOU KIDDING?)
BLACK, LUPIN AND PETTIGREW
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH HIM SAVING YOU
SNAPE
(WHAT SPELL WERE YOU WATCHING?)
LILY
(I WONDER WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF)
SNAPE
(STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT)
JAMES
WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST BETTER THAN THE REST, WHY TRY TO FIT IN?
SNAPE
(DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE THREW THE SNAKE AT YOU FIRST?)
LILY
(MY HEART IS SOARING LIKE A BROOM)
BLACK
THERE’S ASS NEEDS KICKING. SOME SLYTHERIN IS GETTING IN THE WAY.
LILY
(MUST... MUST BE IN SHOCK)
SNAPE
(I KILLED THE SNAKE. HIS WAND WASN'T EVEN IN HIS HAND)
JAMES
THE ONLY SPELL THAT'S CAST IS THAT YOU'LL BE LOVING ME TILL DEATH
LILY
(ASSUMING I’M NOT LOVING YOU TILL DEATH)
SNAPE
(WHATEVER)
JAMES & LILY
SO PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC TO CATCH MY BREATH
SNAPE
Unicorn Turds.


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806 Reviews


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Mon May 20, 2013 4:08 pm
Aley wrote a review...



Some of the syncopation with the original song is off. I'm not exactly sure if it was sung if you could match up the tunes all the time. For instance, wizard is two syllables, but Man is one. This means the tune is going to end up awkward or Wizard is going to end up slurred. You might want to consider rephrasing it back to Man and just change the things around in the non-chorus parts. There are things like that in the other ones too which would make this hard for me to sing aloud. As it stands, I think you're doing a good job mimicing Dr. Horrible but making it Harry Potter. This seems like something Weird Al would do, honestly, and while I know that a lot of people are going to laugh at it, I'm not sure how it would be judged as good or bad.

So anyway, watch your syllable counts.




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Tue May 14, 2013 9:54 am
ToritheMonster says...



Please credit Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, or else this is plagiarism.






I put in the short description that is was from Dr. Horrible and Harry Potter and that no copy wright was intended, been there since day one so I think I am okay. Thanks for the concern though.



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Mon May 13, 2013 4:51 am



Oh god yes. I don't even know what to say to you right now. Except to command you to produce it right now. Cant. Cannot brain. There are no words.






Haha thank you so much!



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Thu May 09, 2013 3:42 am
BluesClues says...



I don't usually fanfic, but...that was priceless.




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Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:18 pm
mightaswellbuyacat wrote a review...



This was really entertaining, especially for a potter fan like myself. The action kept moving at a good pace and I feel you really let Snape's personality shine through. The one thing I would suggest working on is your formatting. Other than that keep on keeping on!
Happy Writing!






Thanks for the formatting idea! Any way specifically you feel would make it look better? It's supposed to be more like a script than a story.




I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
— Bilbo Baggins