you...

Hi,

I am going to edit your poem. Here we go...


*You say your cool,
but yet your not.
You call me ugly,
your heart deprived.
No one to blame,
only yourself.
Why must life be this way,
you make it so hard.
Why do you make me cry myself,
to sleep at night.*


I understand where this poem is coming from, I really do. But the format is a little hard to read, and you have some spelling errors.

But Great Job!

Raven,

thank you

Hell panda11!
Im hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
First of all, I would like to say that I loved what this poem is about, it's clearly heartfelt and you put emotion into it,Nice work.
My constructive critism is for you to capitalise to first letter in every sentence, you should try to split this poem into stanzas and use some punctuation.
You also spelt heart as 'hart'
But the main concept was great, well done!

Hello Panda, Jordin here write a review for you cuz you asked for one on team red, I hope it helps you out.


Well first thing first there is no punctuation at all here at-least I can't see any maybe it is invisible but...Also please don't try and say this is a special poem that need to have not punctuation at set-era cuz everyone says that when I try to point it out to them.

Well this is just me but I hate it when people say you or stuff like that I think it is called personalizing anyway I hate it and you have to many of them wither I like it or not maybe you could write him or her I don't know...

Also you miss spelled heart you wrote hart.

Well a few more commas and periods and this would be awesome also if you took my advise I would say call it him or her.

Keep writing and I can grantee you that you will get better as the old saying goes. "Practice makes perfect".

May god be with you.

~Jon~

Again, everyone has said what I wanted to say.

you say your cool
but yet your not
you call me ugly
your hart deprived
no one to blame
only yourself
why must life be this way
you make it so hard
why do you make me cry myself
to sleep at night

Much of the "yours" should be, "you're."

Now let me say this about the content: The speaker is telling us how sad they are, and how horrible this person is. Without telling the reader how the other person treated you so bad, how can we feel a connection? Why does this person make you cry? Show, don't tell. Another example. And if this is your own personal poem, I hope you get the help you need. I'd love to say that this person will get theirs' one day. But that's just not how real life works. People do bad things, and their actions won't have a consequences. Sometimes they do get away. Just keep your head up and don't let the bad seeds ruin your day. And hope that one day, they will get theirs.

Hello panda,
Im hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem!
I liked this poem as its easy to relate to.
A lot of people feel lonely and neglected.
Maybe you could add in more punctuation?
Also,I think you misspelled heart as hart.
It was a nice short poem.
I would give it 9/10,well done!

Hello Panda, I do hope you mind being called Panda. Its SecreteJournalist here for a review, but you can call me Secrete I guess.

I want to say a few things. I can honestly relate to the feeling. Its just confusion, feeling neglected. Do realize somewhere, there will always be someone there for you. I had to go through several rough times when I was younger, but I made it through them.

Since you have a lot of reviews, I wont bug you about it. I will follow you, since I follow anyone I review. You did a good job, this will be an easy fix up.

Hey there, Panda! Thewritersdream has already pointed out some important grammatical corrections that you should be mindful of; proper spelling and grammar helps ensure your audience has a smoother reading experience.

There seems to be a lot of emotion behind this poem and I think writing is sometimes a great release for that. A piece of advice I frequently give to just about every writer I offer feedback to is to present your hurts in a way that is unique to yourself. Everyone can say "I'm hurting", but everyone's hurt is unique; maybe I'll describe being punched in the arm as a dull ache, but maybe you'll describe it as a million tiny explosions of pain going off at once. For that reason, I like to encourage writers to use allegory and metaphor in their poetry to help them better express their thoughts.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I hope that helped you out a bit,

Juniper

Heya! Panda, yay, I love Panda's!

Here is some formatting tips:

"You say you're (don't forget the apostrophe! Or just say "you are") cool,

But you're not.

You call me ugly,

Your heart deprived,

No one to blame, but yourself (I would suggest you just write it like this for better flow),

Why must life be this way?

You make it so hard,

Why do you make me cry,

myself to sleep at night?

This formatting makes it easier for people to read and also gets the flow of your poetry going better. So, after reading it I think it is about pain but written in a simple way. I want to tell you though that this piece was pretty good, and I think that if you had written a bit more/more clearly it would have been even better. Also don't forget punctuation! Sometimes poetry can seem like one of those things where punctuation is not important or key but it is. In fact it's essential to get the type of rhythm you want. When people read what stops them or keeps them going is the punctuation so, yeah I just wanted to say that.

Hiya Panda =^-^= Happy review day! (I have to do this every review, sorry: Go team Tsunami Tyrants! Woooooo!) Anyhoo, feel free to ask me to review ANYTHING at any time ^-^ I also help with editing, if you’re ever uncertain or exhausted with your work, you can have me examine it and I’ll do my best to give advice. Kay anyhoo, Nippy’s here with encouragement, reviews, criticism and all of that c:
You got your point across really well, especially for such a slight, little piece.
One thing I noticed was the word “hart”, which is a deer. “Heart” is the correct spelling for the heart in your chest, or to have a broken heart, ect. I wasn’t sure which you meant to spell?
Anyhoo! Nicely done. Short, right to the point, not complex. Well done, keep writing, and do your best!
~Catnip~

Hey Panda11,

This is my review for your work.

The meaning you are about to convey is well conveyed. Though short, it is definite in it's meaning. The part of punctuation is poor. I don't think you have to break into too many lines. Let me re-put it in this way.

"You say your cool, but yet you ARE not.
You call me ugly, your hart deprived.
No one to blame,only yourself.
Why must life be this way ?
You make it so hard.
Why do you make me cry myself to sleep at night ?"

Hope this review will find yourself useful to make much more better works. GOOD LUCK

Ok so no stanzas.... That's ok. In the fourth line you put hart I don't quite know of it was supposed to be heart or not so....
No punctuation or capitalization. I am a huge stickler about this.





~MindBlown

I see that this is your first poem. I would put it under romance instead of general. It could be Romance/Angst even because you're kind of doing a break up poem. One of the things that Poetry really struggles with is whether or not to punctuate things. I would suggest you punctuate this and see what you think. Caps the start of sentences, put in commas, periods, etc. I think you'll find that the poem has an easier flow. As it is now, we're kind of left to our own devices to read it, and we can really mess that up big time.

Also: Heart = hart?

For instance, if you have "you're heart-deprived" you have, You are deprived of your heart. If you have "your heart deprived" then you have, your heart is deprived of something.
To me, this poem sounds better with you're = you are and heart-deprived (combining the two words kind of gives them extra boost of connectivity that seems to be lacking.)

Hi! I am LadyPurple and I will be reviewing your poem today!
The other two reviewers beat me to two of the points I wanted to make. So I'll just say mine. You seem to misuse 'you're'.
"You say your cool"
that would be 'you're' because it's a contraction of 'you are'.
You say you are cool.
Your shows possession and you're is a contraction.
While I understand and like the idea of the poem, I'm not a fan of it. I'm not good at critiquing poetry besides spelling and stuff but the poem just isn't my taste, I suppose.
But I can tell it means a lot ot you.
Keep writing!
~LP

Hey Panda! Can I give you some quick point-outs for this review! Thanks!

Punctuation
Although it's not needed, punctuation can be a great plus for the flow of the piece. Periods and commas, well, it's under your command, but question marks and exclamation marks can add to the spirit of the piece. See, without these two punctuation, us readers will read it straightforwardly. With ?'s in the proper lines, we can read them as questions; !'s will look like a blast. It's your decision on this one. Just a suggestion!


Doubles

but yet your not

but yet your not

your hart deprived

Hi! I'm Belle and this is my first review so sorry if it's bad :3

Hart is actually *heart. watch you spelling!! I'm sorry if I seem like I'm being mean, I swear I'm not trying to be.
You need to capitalize! The very first letter in every line
I wish you would change the formatting to make it flow better!

but other then those, pretty good! But it could be batter!


Agan, I only write this to make both of us better!


Love,

Belle

I think you have to many "yous". XD